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Thread: TEXT to Neighbor

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Atlanta area
    Posts
    8,347
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    TEXT to Neighbor

    Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door. I've got a confession to make.
    I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to
    get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. At least I'm telling you
    in this text and I can't live with myself a minute longer without you
    knowing about this. The truth is that when you're not around I've
    been sharing your wife, day and night. In fact, probably much more than
    you. I haven't been getting it at home recently and I know that
    that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live
    with the guilt and hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive
    me. Please suggest a fee for usage and I'll pay you.
    Regards, Richard

    NEIGHBOR'S RESPONSE:

    Fred, feeling so angered and betrayed, grabbed his gun and shot Richard --killing him.
    He went back home and poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa.

    Fred then looked at his phone and discovered a second
    Text message from Richard.

    SECOND TEXT MESSAGE:

    Hi, Fred. Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I
    expect you figured it out and noticed that the @!*+ed Auto-Correct had
    changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Technology, huh? It'll be the death of us all.
    regards Richard
    Vacuum Technology:
    CRUD = Contamination Resulting in Undesirable Deposits.
    CRAPP = Contamination Resulting in Additional Partial Pressure.

    Change your vacuum pump oil now.

    Test. Testing, 1,2,3.

  2. Likes Arcturus379 liked this post.
  3. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    23
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    Oh no, LOL
    Wifi is the cause of his death.

  4. #3
    Join Date
    May 2020
    Posts
    11
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    Awesome. Here's another, though not so good:

    Me: What's the wifi password?

    Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.

    Me: Okay, I'll have a coke.

    Bartender: Is Pepsi okay?

    Me: Sure. How much is that?

    Bartender: $3.

    Me: There you go. So what's the wifi password?

    Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.

  5. #4
    Join Date
    May 2020
    Posts
    11
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    Here's another:

    Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.” “Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”

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