Regular Guest
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
Professional Member*
Dang! Two years to late to the party on that joke,.. that’s a good one, reminds me of a cartoon caption seen years ago depicting a hitchhiker on a side of the road with his hand out and thumb up, holding a sign in his other hand that read...........I promised not to kill you.Originally Posted by Mr Bill
Professional Member
Why do they have air conditioning in paralysis hospitals?
To keep the vegetables fresh
I went to an air conditioning convention recently
It was pretty cool
The funeral for the inventor of air conditioning was held today.
Thousands of fans attended.
Professional Member
After a long time I told my hot coworker how I felt
It turns out she felt the same way so I turned on the air conditioning
Engineer in Hell
An engineer dies and goes to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"
Professional Member
A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
Sheriff: Height?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sheriff: Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sheriff: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sheriff: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
Sheriff: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
Sheriff: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sheriff: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: A 2016 pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, LED lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and underglow wheel well lighting.
At this point the husband started choking up.
Sheriff: Take it easy sir, we'll find your truck!
Professional Member
Two types of A.C. units are sitting at a bar.
One takes a swig and looks at the other, saying "You know, I'm the most efficient and well-known air conditioning unit there is. I can cool a room in seconds..!" He chuckles to himself. The other looks at him smiling, saying "Yes, I was aware. I'm a fan."
A penguin is driving through the desert
When his car starts to give him trouble. The lights start flashing and the dials go out of control, so he puts the car in neutral and rides it out to the nearest gas station.
He asks the gas station attendant "Can you fix my car? It's really no place for a penguin to be stuck in the desert for long."
The gas station attendant replies "You're second in the queue, I'll get you taken care of as soon as possible."
The relieved penguin says, "That's amazing, thank you so much. But being a penguin in the desert, I need a place to stay cool. Is there any place to eat with air conditioning around here?"
The gas station attendant says "Yes, there's a Baskin Robins right across the street."
The penguin heads across the street to the Baskin Robins and orders 20 scoops of vanilla ice cream. He uses his flippers and shovels down a bunch of ice cream when the waitress gets a call.
She comes over to the penguin and says "Your car is ready, sir."
So the penguin pays for his ice cream and heads back to the gas station.
He asks the gas station attendant "So, what was wrong with my car?"
The gas station attendant looks up at him and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin replies and points, "No no, vanilla ice cream"
Professional Member
A man goes into heaven...
...he sees a lot of clock's and asks what they're for.
Jesus says, "These are lying clocks. If a person tells a lie the minute hand moves."
Jesus points to one clock and says, "This is Abraham Lincoln's clock, the hands have only moved a bit."
Jesus points to another clock and says, "This is my Mother's clock, it has never moved since she has never told a lie."
Suddenly the man asks where George Bush has his clock.
Jesus says, "It used to be in my office for a fan."
The man asks why it's not his fan anymore.
Jesus answers, "We're using Obama's for a generator to get the Air Conditioning going."
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