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Thread: Todays joke...

  1. #27
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    Well, I saw some other cool posters making jokes about races of people and thought taking shots was okay...

  2. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scoobie View Post
    Well, I saw some other cool posters making jokes about races of people and thought taking shots was okay...
    But...

    Did they take specific shots at folks that are regulars on the forum?

    It is a matter of mutual respect Scoobie... While we banter and poke fun WITH each other... we do not poke fun AT each other. I am sure you understand the difference.

    Being an 'old fart'... I come from the generation where folks respect others... and practice that respect with most everyone... until someone violates it.
    The younger generations do not understand that traditional professionalism.
    GA-HVAC-Tech

    Your comfort, Your way, Everyday!

  3. #29
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    The doctor asked the man how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "things are great, and I've never felt better! I now have a 20-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that, doc?"

    The doctor considered the question for a minute, and then began to tell a story.

    "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun."

    "As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he left his gun at home, and so, he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it was his favorite hunting rifle, and yelled 'bang bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell dead."

    "Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

    The 86-year-old replied, "logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a few rounds into that beaver."

    The doctor replied, "my point exactly."

  4. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by ga-hvac-tech View Post
    But...

    Did they take specific shots at folks that are regulars on the forum?

    It is a matter of mutual respect Scoobie... While we banter and poke fun WITH each other... we do not poke fun AT each other. I am sure you understand the difference.

    Being an 'old fart'... I come from the generation where folks respect others... and practice that respect with most everyone... until someone violates it.
    The younger generations do not understand that traditional professionalism.
    Ga, I didn’t mean for my post to come across as mean spirited and that’s why I posted in this joke thread. My oppologies.

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  6. #31
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    A blonde was speeding in a 25 mile per hour residental zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over. The female police officer who walked up to the car also happened to be a blonde. She asked for the blonde's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"

    Irritated, the blonde cop said, "Don't be a smartass!, it's got your picture on it!" The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom.

    She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license", then handed it to the blonde policewoman.

    The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."
    GA-HVAC-Tech

    Your comfort, Your way, Everyday!

  7. #32
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    A blonde is out of work, so she decides to become a handywoman. She knows nothing about how to do this, but decides to proceed anyway and goes to an affluent neighborhood near her home.

    She knocks on the door of the first house, and the man of the house answers the door. She says, "Hi, I'm a handywoman. Need anything done around your house?"

    The man says, "Well, I've been wanting to paint my porch. How much would you charge me to paint my porch?"

    The blonde literally has no idea what to say, but blurts out "Fifty dollars."

    The guy says, "Fine, I'll pay you $50 to paint my porch. I've got all the paint and supplies in the garage, let me know when you finish."

    The man's wife comes down the stairs and overhears part of the conversation and says to her husband, "Do you think that young lady realizes our porch goes around three sides of the house?"

    The man says, "I'm sure she's a professional, you're just perpetuating the blonde stereotype."

    45 minutes later, there is a knock on the door. The man answers and the blonde says, "All finished! Put two coats on it, too!"

    The man says, "That's amazing!" He reaches into his wallet to pay the blonde, and she says.....

    (wait for it)

    "And, by the way, its not a 'Porch', it's a Lexus!"
    GA-HVAC-Tech

    Your comfort, Your way, Everyday!

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  9. #33
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    I shouldn't laugh at some of these, having two blonde daughters and all. But sometimes the shoe fits Cheers.

    Sent from my SM-G903W using Tapatalk

  10. #34
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    A chemist, an engineer, and a statistician go hunting together.

    They spot a deer and the chemist takes a shot but misses it 10' to the left.

    The engineer shoots but misses it 10' to the right.

    The statistician yells "We got him!"
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    There = not here. Their = possessive pronoun. They're = they are
    It's = contraction of it is. Its = the possessive form of it
    Too = also. To = expressing motion. Two = 2
    Then = after that, next. Than = indicates a comparison.
    Questions should end with a question mark "?" Statements end with a period "."

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  12. #35
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    Q. How many ADHD kids does it take to change a light bulb?

    A. Let's go ride our bikes!
    AOP Rules: Rules For Equipment Owners.

    Free online load calculator: http://www.loadcalc.net/


    There = not here. Their = possessive pronoun. They're = they are
    It's = contraction of it is. Its = the possessive form of it
    Too = also. To = expressing motion. Two = 2
    Then = after that, next. Than = indicates a comparison.
    Questions should end with a question mark "?" Statements end with a period "."

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  14. #36
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    Delivery is important for this one.




    Q. How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?

    A. Two. One to change the light bulb and the other to hold the penis. LADDER!
    AOP Rules: Rules For Equipment Owners.

    Free online load calculator: http://www.loadcalc.net/


    There = not here. Their = possessive pronoun. They're = they are
    It's = contraction of it is. Its = the possessive form of it
    Too = also. To = expressing motion. Two = 2
    Then = after that, next. Than = indicates a comparison.
    Questions should end with a question mark "?" Statements end with a period "."

  15. #37
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    Q. How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a light bulb?

    A YOU DON'T KNOW!? YOU'LL NEVER KNOW BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAN!



    (my apologies to Vietnam veterans)
    AOP Rules: Rules For Equipment Owners.

    Free online load calculator: http://www.loadcalc.net/


    There = not here. Their = possessive pronoun. They're = they are
    It's = contraction of it is. Its = the possessive form of it
    Too = also. To = expressing motion. Two = 2
    Then = after that, next. Than = indicates a comparison.
    Questions should end with a question mark "?" Statements end with a period "."

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  17. #38
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    Now to my golf jokes.


    A golfer, playing alone, hits a bad drive which hooks over the trees and off the fairway. Knowing that he'll never find it, he takes a penalty stroke and drops a new ball.

    When he gets back to the clubhouse, the pro rushes out wagging his finger and asks accusingly, "Did you hit a ball over the trees on #17?"

    The golfer says, "Yes, it really ruined my score."

    The pro says "I'll have you know that the ball hit the windshield of a car travelling the road. The car veered over the line and forced a school bus off the road. The school bus crashed and six school children are dead as a result!"

    The golfer says "Oh my god! What can I do?"

    The pro says "Well, you need to shift your grip!"
    AOP Rules: Rules For Equipment Owners.

    Free online load calculator: http://www.loadcalc.net/


    There = not here. Their = possessive pronoun. They're = they are
    It's = contraction of it is. Its = the possessive form of it
    Too = also. To = expressing motion. Two = 2
    Then = after that, next. Than = indicates a comparison.
    Questions should end with a question mark "?" Statements end with a period "."

  18. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scoobie View Post
    An olde/goodie for spinner gatech....

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dXcFFNx0_g8

    Here is an olde/goodie one for you Scoobie and corny. I think it hits the nail on the head for both you all. Yeah good one. LOL. Thank you very much

    "I could have ended the war in a month. I could have made North Vietnam look like a mud puddle."

    "I have little interest in streamlining government or in making it more efficient, for I mean to reduce its size. I do not undertake to promote welfare, for I propose to extend freedom. My aim is not to pass laws, but to repeal them. It is not to inaugurate new programs, but to cancel old ones that do violence to the Constitution."
    Sen. Barry Goldwater

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