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Thread: Todays joke...

  1. #1
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    Todays joke...

    ARP has gotten too intense... and yours truly is not innocent of throwing gasoline on that fire...
    So this is an attempt to lighten up the mood at the pub of ARP:

    Post a joke... as long as it meets the guidelines of public access forums at H-talk...
    How about lets try to be positive for a change... maybe even laugh...

    I knew a Mathematician who was deathly afraid of negative numbers. He would stop at nothing to avoid them.


    GA-HVAC-Tech

    Your comfort, Your way, Everyday!

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  3. #2
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    What did the green grape say to the purple grape? ---------------------------- BREATHE

    GA-HVAC-Tech

    Your comfort, Your way, Everyday!

  4. #3
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    What do you call a blonde that puts on a brunette wig?

    Artificial Intelligence.
    GA-HVAC-Tech

    Your comfort, Your way, Everyday!

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  6. #4
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    How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

    1, but the light bulb must really want to change.

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  8. #5
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    Why don't you play uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.

    Not PC but funny. Thank you very much
    "I could have ended the war in a month. I could have made North Vietnam look like a mud puddle."

    "I have little interest in streamlining government or in making it more efficient, for I mean to reduce its size. I do not undertake to promote welfare, for I propose to extend freedom. My aim is not to pass laws, but to repeal them. It is not to inaugurate new programs, but to cancel old ones that do violence to the Constitution."
    Sen. Barry Goldwater

  9. #6
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    There were three guys in Hell - Iranian, American, and a Chinese man. They asked Satan to let them call their family.

    The American called and talked for 10 minutes. He payed $1,000.

    The Chinaman called and talked for 15 minutes. He payed $1,500.

    The Iranian talked for an hour and only paid $10.

    The other men complained and Satan responded, "A call from Hell to Hell is local.

    I hope I don't get this thread closed. LOL. Thank you very much
    "I could have ended the war in a month. I could have made North Vietnam look like a mud puddle."

    "I have little interest in streamlining government or in making it more efficient, for I mean to reduce its size. I do not undertake to promote welfare, for I propose to extend freedom. My aim is not to pass laws, but to repeal them. It is not to inaugurate new programs, but to cancel old ones that do violence to the Constitution."
    Sen. Barry Goldwater

  10. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by glennac View Post
    Why don't you play uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.

    Not PC but funny. Thank you very much
    laughing so hard I just fell out of my chair
    if corny was a part on a washing machine,,, he'd be the agitator

    “Those who CAST the votes decide nothing; those who COUNT the votes decide everything.” – Stalin even evil men say things worth paying attention to

    A Nation of Sheep - Breeds a Government of Wolves

    Gangster Al Capone once remarked that anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.

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  12. #8
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    Failed my biology test today: They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?" Apparently "B**** people" wasn't the correct answer.

    What do you call an Asian billionare. Cha Ching.

    Ok I'll let it go before I get in trouble here. Thank you very much
    "I could have ended the war in a month. I could have made North Vietnam look like a mud puddle."

    "I have little interest in streamlining government or in making it more efficient, for I mean to reduce its size. I do not undertake to promote welfare, for I propose to extend freedom. My aim is not to pass laws, but to repeal them. It is not to inaugurate new programs, but to cancel old ones that do violence to the Constitution."
    Sen. Barry Goldwater

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  14. #9
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    I'll admit that the Chinese kids in math class are pretty smart. But doing it with their eyes closed... that's a bit cocky.

    Yeah I can't resist. Memory is coming back on some old jokes. Thank you very much
    "I could have ended the war in a month. I could have made North Vietnam look like a mud puddle."

    "I have little interest in streamlining government or in making it more efficient, for I mean to reduce its size. I do not undertake to promote welfare, for I propose to extend freedom. My aim is not to pass laws, but to repeal them. It is not to inaugurate new programs, but to cancel old ones that do violence to the Constitution."
    Sen. Barry Goldwater

  15. #10
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    In the Beginning was the Plan. And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form. And the Plan was completely without substance. And darkness was upon the faces of the workers. And the workers spake amongst themselves saying: It is a crock of s**t and it stinketh, And the workers went unto the supervisors saying: It is a pail of dung and none can abide the odor thereof. And the supervisors went unto the managers saying: It is a vessel of fertilizer and none may abide its strength. And the directors spake amongst themselves saying: It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong. And the directors went unto the vice presidents saying: It promoteth growth and it is very powerful. And the vice presidents went to the President saying unto him: This new Plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency of this Company and in these areas in particular. And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good. And the Plan became Policy. This is how s**t happens.
    GA-HVAC-Tech

    Your comfort, Your way, Everyday!

  16. #11
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    One day a blonde office worker comes out to the warehouse to walk around. As she is walking she looks up and sees a co-worker hanging upside down from an I-Beam in the ceiling.

    She asks "What ARE you doing"?

    The co-worker says "I need a few days off but the boss won't let me have them so I'm hanging upside down from this I-Beam acting crazy.

    The boss will see me, think I need rest and send me home for a few days".

    The blonde says "That won't work...uh ohh...here comes the boss now, you're in for it".

    The boss spots the blode looking up and sees the man hanging up there and asks him "Just WHAT do you think you are DOING?!!"

    The man says (in a "crazy" voice) I'm a light bulb...I'm a light bulb"

    The boss says "Buddy, you need some rest..take the rest of today and tomorrow off and get some sleep".

    As he is climbing down he winks at the blonde showing her it worked.

    The blonde thinks about this for a moment and starts to follow the man out the door.

    The boss asks her "WHERE do you think YOU'RE going?"

    The blonde says "I can't work in the dark".
    GA-HVAC-Tech

    Your comfort, Your way, Everyday!

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  18. #12
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    A blonde girl decides to do a puzzle so she grabs the puzzle and pours out all the peices and tries to put it together....

    After a while of trying she gets frustrated and calls her boyfriend...

    Her boyfriend says: Honey whats wrong

    The Blonde says: Im trying to put this puzzle together but I can't do it.

    Her boyfriend says: Well look at the picture in the front and tell me what it looks like.

    The blonde says: Okay... well the background is blue and there is a tiger on it.

    Her boyfriend says: Honey... put the cornflakes back in the box.
    GA-HVAC-Tech

    Your comfort, Your way, Everyday!

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  20. #13
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    Jonah's Fate
    After hearing the story of Jonah at Sunday School, a little girl repeated the story at school on Monday.
    Her teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.
    The little girl said, "But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale."Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. "It is physically impossible!" she said.
    Undaunted, the little girl said, "Well, when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
    To this, the teacher said, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
    The little girl replied, "Then YOU ask him!"
    GA-HVAC-Tech

    Your comfort, Your way, Everyday!

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