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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Guayaquil, EC
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    Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

    1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where
    you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight
    attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find
    a seat and get in it!"

    2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew,
    the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will
    be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the
    appearance of your flight attendants."

    3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your
    belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something
    we'd like to have.

    4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways
    out of this airplane."

    5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed
    giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride"

    6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a
    lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

    7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis,
    a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when
    opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as
    hell everything has shifted."

    8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight
    245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle,
    and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know
    how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

    9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
    descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
    face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before
    assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick
    your favorite."

    10. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds,
    but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,
    nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

    11. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of
    an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our

    12. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
    Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. But
    please do not leave children or spouses."

    13. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is
    pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
    Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

    14. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt
    Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a
    bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the
    airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's
    fault, it was the asphalt."

    15. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
    particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was
    really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant
    said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats
    with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our
    airplane to the gate!"

    16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
    "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the

    17. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had
    hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
    required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited,
    smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light
    of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,
    thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten
    off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you
    mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no! Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
    The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

    18. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on
    with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and
    the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And,
    once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open
    the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

    19. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to
    thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane
    urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope
    you'll think of US Airways."

    20. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you
    wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you
    can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

    21. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
    comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the
    intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to
    Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is
    good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back
    and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain
    came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I
    scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant
    accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of
    my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back
    of mine!"

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2000
    Urbandale IA. USA
    Post Likes
    Thanks ice.

    I come to this section to get a good laugh, and you just provided it.

    Those who dance, appear insane to those who do not hear the music.
    Those who believe, appear ignorant to those who do not know God.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Orange County Calif
    Post Likes
    Ditto i got a good laugh too thanks for the post

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