The Christmas Party
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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2000
    Posts
    1,303

    Wink

    MEMO: December 1st
    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
    on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of
    spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free
    to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as
    Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among
    employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.

    Merry Christmas to you and your family.
    Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    MEMO: December 2nd
    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
    employees.
    We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides
    with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now
    on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to
    employees who are celebrating Kwanza at this time. There will be no
    Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.

    Happy Holidays to you and your family.
    Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    MEMO: December 3rd
    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics
    Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this
    request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA
    Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the
    gifts exchange -- no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel
    that $10 is too much money.

    Patty Lewis, Human Researchers Director
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    MEMO: December 7th
    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from
    the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are
    allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay
    men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement
    for the gay men's table.

    Happy now?
    Patty Lewis, Human Racehorses Director
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    MEMO: December 9th
    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
    People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to
    play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be
    "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red
    suit."

    Patty Lewis, Human Ratraces
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    MEMO: December 10th
    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this
    party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit
    at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and
    you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know,
    tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard
    them scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha!

    I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?

    The ***** from Hell
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    MEMO: December 14th
    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
    from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to
    her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel
    our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with
    full pay.

    Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director




  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2001
    Posts
    35,838

    Talking that ain't

    too far from the truth, either.
    Hey cockroach, don't bug me!

    www.AskTheDiceman.com

    www.TheColdConspiracy.com

    www.Pennwood-HVAC.Com

    Bring Em Home....

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Arkansas
    Posts
    2,111

    Thumbs up

    I LOVE IT!!!!
    "FIGHT CRIME: SHOOT BACK"

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