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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Eastern PA
    Posts
    68,946
    My son is in Florida living with his mom and her husband, mainly because he has been diagnosed with a rapidly deteriorating cancer.

    This guy is a really nice guy. Lifer Marine, so the VA has done a tremendous job of setting up the home to accomodate his now wheelchair bound condition and they basically treat his home as a hospice. He has always been a good friend to my son and my son has become very fond of him over the years.

    Anyway, I got a call about 3 in the morning from my son. He tells me that Robert is going downhill faster then expected and he (my son) is having a difficult time handling watching this man's sudden demise. My son basically needed some moral support before going back into the house to try to be strong in front of his mom and to be able to do whatever is left that can be done for this guy.

    Anyway, my son has asked me to take a few days to be with him when Robert passes, which is expected within a few days. It is very difficult hearing someone you love so much be so emotionally disraught.

    Well, my son needed me last night and will need me with him again soon, so I figured I'd dump on you guys and keep the emotions rolling.
    Government is a disease...
    ...masquerading as its own cure…
    Ecclesiastes 10:2 NIV


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Slacking off right now
    Posts
    7,546
    Its a tough thing for all of you, I understand kinda what you are going through.
    My Wife lost her mother and grand mother to cancer and recently 2yrs ago her brother to cancer (42yrs old) He had been diagnosed with tounge cancer 4yrs ago( never smoked ever) they cut him open (12hr operation) cut out his tounge muscle and othe stuff took muscle veins and arteries from his arm and made him a new tounge muscle, after radiation and reconstructive surgery etc he started getting better but then went down hill, After a yr they retested him and found bone cancer, Terminal. Took 18 months from him to succomb to it He selpt in the living room in a hospital bed. the curch was very good to them with lots of help fro the family. Personally I did not get along with him but I never let it become a problem.
    Robin Be strong you will find the strength for your son and your ex too
    www.vetopropac.com - The best tool bags on the market - The offical tool bag of choice by techs everywhere

    Arguing with some people is like wrestling a pig - eventually you realise the pig actually enjoys it

    Gonads serve a useful purpose but are no substitute for brains

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    Chicago, N/W burbs
    Posts
    8,004
    Damn sad to read this Robin. Give all you can, he did.
    R2B4BTU

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Bartlett, IL
    Posts
    6,619
    Sorry to hear that, what kind of cancer?

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Eastern PA
    Posts
    68,946
    I think my son said that he has two different types of cancer but the one that has taken him down so fast is related to what is known as Lou Gehrig's Disease.

    It has not been long since the contractors installed all new aluminum ramping throughout the house so there is no where that Robert could not go.

    I was concerned about my son going to live with them under these conditions because of the issues he had after my heart attack. My son was great in getting me to the hospital and taking care of things while I was having the attack and while I was in the hospital, but he really avoided being around me after I first came home. I don't think he handled seeing me knocked down as badly as I was. I think he felt he could handle it better with Robert but he may have underestimated the impact this was going to have on his mother.

    I really feel sorry for what they are going through. As much as I do not want to have anything to do with my ex, I don't like seeing anyone hurt like they are hurting during this. There's just not a hell of a lot I can do.
    Government is a disease...
    ...masquerading as its own cure…
    Ecclesiastes 10:2 NIV


  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    Chicago, N/W burbs
    Posts
    8,004
    This is a very hard time for all concerned. A word of encouragement or empathy will help alot more than hurt. My heart goes out to everyone in this story. There is no happy ending
    R2B4BTU

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Gone
    Posts
    5,340
    Sad story, but going through difficult times like this will make your son a strong man to coup with difficult matters we face in life. There “are” good things we learn in difficult times.

  8. #8

    Lightbulb

    One should always be prepared to meet one's maker!

    Fred

  9. #9
    RoBo,
    If you can afford to, maybe go and see your son for a few days. If not, just be there emotionally for him via daily phone calls etc. If and when the death occurs, just be there for your boy as best you can. I'm sure he is old enough to understand. Now as far as your ex is concerned. Don't be a shoulder for HER to cry on. She made her bed, she can lie in it.

    I can empathize with you. I'm in a similar situation, except that my ex's hubby aint dying. The way I see it (right or wrong), your son is the first and only priority when it comes to support and comfort during this difficult time.

    Good luck and I hope it all works out....

    Have a nice day!!!....Pabull......
    In honor of Murray Woodgate (aka Carnak) 1961 - 2010

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Eastern PA
    Posts
    68,946
    I should mention that my son is a young adult, but he and I are still emotionally dependent on each other. I most likely will get down there for a couple of days when Robert passes on.

    I just spoke to my ex and got a lot more info on the situation. Robert has had problems over the past few years with muscle breakdown. It started in his hands. The docs thought it was a severe case of carpal tunnel but declined to do the operations when the test results showed that there was something else going on.

    With the rapid deterioration of the muscle throughout his body it was realized that he was being taken by cancer. Because of the nature of the deterioration and the speed it was hitting him, it was assumed that he had contracted Lou Gehrig's Disease. Now, it turns out, his body is reacting to the destructive nature of being exposed to Agent Orange while in VietNam. That is now the official diagnosis.

    My ex tells me that Robert always felt he should not have survived VietNam and so has always considered every day of life after as a gift from God. Even in his declined state, and having had very little contact with me, Robert wanted my ex to let me know how proud I should be of my son for the way he has taken care of things the past few months. It sure sounds like our society in general is losing a good man.
    Government is a disease...
    ...masquerading as its own cure…
    Ecclesiastes 10:2 NIV


  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    2,407
    Originally posted by RoBoTeq
    As much as I do not want to have anything to do with my ex, I don't like seeing anyone hurt like they are hurting during this. There's just not a hell of a lot I can do.
    Sure there is RoBo. You and your ex have something in common, your son. You got to put your feelings towards your ex to better help your son. If it is possible maybe you should take a little bit of time and go there to give him some physical strength and just be there and be strong. I believe you are remarried, (I think), but your ex is going to need someone too. Whether that be you or be your son this is a trying time.

    In another post I wrote about my ex wife and our divorce, but when my mother passed in April of this year she dropped everything and was right here for me and the kids. Not only did she keep me strong she kept the kids strong also.

    I'll pray for your son and for you.

    Shane

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Eastern PA
    Posts
    68,946
    Thanks Shane. If you only knew my ex you'd understand that I cannot possibly trust helping her. Unfortunately, she would take it as a sign of weakness and use it against me with my relationship with my fiance (no, she hasn't commited me yet ).

    I will support my son so he can support his mom. While I believe my ex is hurting, she doesn't hurt for the same reasons. She is hurting because the way of life she has become accustomed to is now being taken away from her. Still, she is hurting and I will not do anything to add to that hurt.

    As has been mentioned, I am truly hoping this will strengthen my sons resolve with the issue of death. I don't think he can even imagine my dying which is why he avoided me when I was vulnerable and weakened by the heart attack. I have grown tremendously in this area over the years so there is no reason he won't be able to grow as well.
    Government is a disease...
    ...masquerading as its own cure…
    Ecclesiastes 10:2 NIV


  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Posts
    3,112
    Your son has been lucky to have two men he can call dad. Robin, set aside the conflict with the ex and concentrate on being there for your son. If you go, stay in a hotel and avoid her, if possible. I know it will be difficult, but try not to add to your sons distress by having a confrontation with the ex. Can you talk to Robert? Ask what his wishes are. Ask your son too. You, your son, Robert, your ex and your fiancee have my prayers.

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