well when i was younger i use to fight the cops,,, which is wrong i know,,, so i guess they got my # ,,,,, im not trying to be a prick to u guys,,,, i read alot of your posts on here guys.... and i learn alot from it. im just a tech trying to learn
1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
3. Job interfering with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
6. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
7. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
8. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
9. Two hands and just one mouth...now THAT'S a drinking problem!
10. You can focus better with one eye closed.
11. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
12. You fall off the floor...
13. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
14. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger...screw dinner!
15. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
16. At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
17. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
18. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed...hmm.
19. The whole bar says "Hi" when you come in...
20. You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women.
21. Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
22. Roseanne looks good.
23. Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
24. That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
25. Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
26. "I'm as jober as a sudge."
27. You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Honolulu.
28. The shrubbery's drunk too from frequent watering.
73% of Americans say that illegal immigration is a problem. The other 27% say, "No habla inglis!"
Newly issued alcohol warnings
The Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverages.
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you
4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.
6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.
Originally posted by bootlen 8. WARNING! Consumption of alcohol may cause you to turn the volume up on the CD player to 8 (or even higher), tell your neighbors to perform impossile sex acts, and take a swing at police officers.