The Newfie & the gorilla
A small zoo in Toronto obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Garge, a Newfoundland part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages.
Garge, like most newfs, liked to drink Screech but also possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Garge was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00? Garge showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions.
1. "First", Garge said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."
The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this."
The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
3. "Third", Garge said, "I want all the children raised Catholic." Once again it was agreed.
4. "Fourth", Garge said "I needs a 40 ouncer of Screech, before I starts" Happily, the keeper said yes.
5. And last of all, Garge stated "You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500.00."