Sorry for the long post, but need to vent, and get some opinions.
As some of you know by my previous posts, I don't exactly feel "Accepted" by certain members of my family......my 2 sisters to be exact.
Here is a story of the most recent thing that really just "Irked" me.
As you know, I am living with one of my sisters, due to the fact that she broke it off with her b/f 3 years ago and wanted me to move in to help her cover rent so she could stay here. (Idiot me, I said yes. This is the same sister who can't even turn on th A/C until SHE feels the need for it.)
My niece, now 5 had not yet been baptized. My sister has put it off and put it off, partly because she didn't want a lecture about having a child out of wedlock, and partly because she had a hard time choosing Godparents.
Finally, she decided to have our brother in law be the Godfather. Now mind me, my 2 sisters talk all the time, and my other sister is constantly *****ing about him and how he drinks all the time or they had some kind of argument, ETC, and how she is already tired of him (After only 1 year.)
Anyway, my parents were planning a visit here to Connecticut to visit us. So, my sister figured, she would plan the baptizm for when they were here so they could attend. So, she goes and makes all of the plans.
That night, she called my sister to tell her about the plans and ask my brother in law if he wanted to be the Godfather. He said yes, and then called up his priest, as he has not been to church in many years.
They get to talking, and decide that since they were married a year ago in a non-denomination church, they would get their marriage blessed in the catholic church, after the baptizm.
While they were on the phone making these plans, my sister decides to do a 3-way call to our mother. They call, and my mother picks up, at which point they start to tell her the plans. Our mother gets very exited, and tells our Dad. So, my Dad picks up another extension in the house, and they go through the whole thing of what they have just planned. During this time, my brother in law also picks up another extension in his house, and they all start talking about the baptizm / blessing.
So, there is basically this 5 way conversation going.
During this conversation, not ONE of these 5 people (My 2 sisters, my brother in law, my mom and my dad) even bothers to ask if I have been told yet, and not one of them bothers to offer to tell me what is going on as they are talking.
Thier own BROTHER!
Any NORMAL family, after they had planned all of this, would have done 1 of 2 things:
Either they would have hung up the phone (Or at least when they were on the phone before they made that 3-way call, told their brother what they had planned and that they were about to do.
In my opinion, what SHOULD have happened here, was that they should have told their brother what they had planned, and let ME pick up a phone in OUR house, and be INCLUDED in this conversation.
But no, they make this 3 way call, and not one of the 5 people are even concerned about weather or not I have been told. My parents didn't even ask why I was not being included in this conversation, or ask weather or not I knew about it yet.
Once they all got off the phone, about 10 minutes later I came upstairs, and after a while, THEN my sister tells me everything that they had planned, and that they made the 3 way call and told our folks, ETC.
This really upset me, not so much because I was the last to know, but because of the fact that I was so left out of the whole thing.
What do you guys think here? Should I be ticked off, or does this sound like something normal? All of my friends I have told this story to can not believe it, and one person even told me I need to pack up now and get the hell out.
Once all my ducks are in a row, I plan on doing just that anyways.
Will probably cut off ties with my family at that point. I have been in connecticut for 5 years (Moved here to try to get CLOSER to my sisters), but if I listed all the sh*t ike this that has gone on just in the time I have lived here, this thread would be longer than the 9mm thread.
When I move out, I am going to probably move back to Kansas and cool down, then will just not speak with my sisters anymore and just get on with life.
Just mentioning this cliche because it hits home with me; "you cannot pick your family".
They are still your family and will always be the only blood family you have. I have forced myself to mend bad blood between my brother and myself and we now express our love for one another despite our differences, which we try to downplay as much as possible.
I let a grandfather die while we we were on the outs and it bothers me often that I cannot make amends.
Distance is usually best when things are too crazy with family, and believe me, my family members keep their distance. That works out very well so that we can actually somewhat enjoy the company of one another one or two times a year when we get together.
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On the surface it would appear everyone involved in that phone conversation was caught up in the moment. Were you in the room when all this was going on and could've pointed to an extension phone in sight of your sister, indicating you'd like to join in?
Sounds to me like you need to be a little more assertive. If you're naturally a wallflower, it's too easy to just sit back and pout when people appear to ignore you. If you're tapping on your sister's shoulder and whispering you'd like to join in the call, she either has to be rude and outright ignore you or blow you off verbally in the middle of a phone call, or point to a phone, indicating "go for it". Whichever the outcome, you'll know more precisely where you stand with your sister vs. second guessing her and everyone else all of the time.
One word of caution about burning family bridges in your case...remember, you're an uncle. Your five year old niece may ask someday what happened to her Uncle CT_HVAC_Tech.
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Building Physics Rule #2: Higher air pressure moves toward lower air pressure
Building Physics Rule #3: Higher moisture concentration moves toward lower moisture concentration.
I agree Robo on the distance thing.
The problem I have is, we all grew up in the midwest, and when my younger sister graduated in 1990, she moved up here, and had her reasons.
I did not have a problem with that until 1994, when my OTHER sister decided SHE wanted to move here, of all the other places she could go. Now, the 2 sisters are best friends, and are so close, they have been known to spend hours every day on the phone. They tell each other every minute little thing that goes on in their daily lives. They go shopping together. they take the kids places together. they have lunch outings together.
All of this while the REST of the family is back home wondering what made her feel she had to move to connecticut just to be with my other sister. Wondering what SHE had to offer that WE didn't.
I figured back in 1994 when my other sister moved here, she must have had some kind of issues about SOMETHING, but now that I am here and I am basically left out, and shut out, I realize now, she just didn't give a f*ck about us, or she never would have moved this far away in the first place.
Could have thought I read here somewhere about a 5 year old accepting Jesus into her life...... and being baptized. What did I miss?
let it go focus on yourself and your life families will be what they will be you need to regain your focus on yourself
quite likely they all assumed you knew already or was listing in anyway.
Once you have your own life going the family won't seem quite so important and these apparent slights won't even register on the radar screen
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Our hearts really get us in trouble sometime. Our heart is willing. But outside interferances, ct I thougt you were a tough guy, either take control or face those *****es that have control. The childern and yourself is all you have to be worried about..
Did you tell them your going to the hvac-talk convention, I'm sure dice will babtize you and beencool will sprinkle holy water on you. Boy O Boy will they be upset when they find out you went and didn't include them in your plans.
Now a little more serious advice, get the bejebers away from them they are rotting your brain. You are thinking about what they are doing and thinking way to much. Make a clean exit and dont burn any bridges but do make an exit. Set a few goals for yourself, in one year this, in two years this, in five years this. Now is the time dont look back a year from now and say I should have listened to those guys. I wish you well and i'll see you at the convention.
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I have one brother and one sister. We are separated by miles. I am the youngest. My wife and I have been married for 38 years. My family is much bigger than hers.
Fortunately, my sister, wife and sister-in-law get along great. They make all the social family plans. Which is just great with my brother, brother-in-law and me.
Bottom line is maybe this is the way your family is looking at things. The women make all of these family things and you, as a guy, is expected to just follow along.
Being Catholic you know we don't know verse numbers of the Bible. But you got to remember the parable about the dude who got pizzed off because he was not seated next to the guest of honor. Then Jesus said, "The last shall be first and first shall be last."
(Now in the Catholic tradition, I will take up a second collection.)
I have 2 sisters as well - they do this all the time - dont know why it would bother you so much - did you want to be in the planning conversation with the cackling women?? Not me!!! I think you need some thicker skin - if you werent living at the same place you never would have known that they had this conversation and everything would have been cool when you found out. Family is a funny thing - you will miss them once you have writen them off - and in my opinion this is no reason to write them off - they are blood. You complain of not having a woman in your life - these things might be intwined together. Hope this dont tick you off - just my opinion.
I have some pretty strong opinions on this, which are pretty different from the opinions so far. I've read some of your other posts regarding your family, and in my opinion they are walking all over you. There is no reason that your own family should treat you that way. I know that this sounds harsh, but if I was you, I'd pack up and move back to Kansas. I don't think that you should never speak to your family again, but I'd let things cool down a bit and let them initiate the first contact. Perhaps with you gone, they will realize what you did for them and have a better appreciation for you.
My opinion comes from personal experience. I have a half-brother that lives 2 miles away from me that I do not speak to. I tried for years to mend our differences, but all he ever did was trash-talk our father and ***** about my mother. It has been about 6 years since I have spoken to him. Deciding not to communicate with him has eliminated the horrible stress that I had over the situation. Granted, this is not the right thing to do in every situation, but for me, it was definitely a good idea.
Good luck to you.
Good luck guy. I know what it is like to have family but have no family. But when the poo poo hits they fan, they can find you. I don't know how old you are, but get use to it. Maybe one day you will hear the pitter patter of little feet and making your own plans. That will erase all the bad memories.
Don't be ticked off. In the excitement of the moment, you were unfortunately missed. The primary concern you should have is for the child. They are the center of attention. Let your family know you are excited about the upcoming event and if there is anything you can do, all they have to do is ask. From your post, it appeaers the relationship you share with your family is fragmented at best so you really shoudn't be suprised when something like this happens. Be the bigger person, dust your feelings off and move on.