Montana Declares War on the USA
President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.
"Hello, President Obama" a heavily accented cowboy voice said. "This is
Archie, down here at Dad's Bar and Steak House in Belgrade, Montana, I am
callin' to tell ya'll that we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well Archie," Obama replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my
cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from
Pine's Bar. That makes eight!"
Obama paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have at call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Obama, the war is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Obama asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor."
President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks
and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one
and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "President Obama, the war is
still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified
Harold's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys
from the coffee shop have joined us as well!"
Obama was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you
Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military
complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Oh Lord," said Archie, "l'll have to call you back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Obama! I am
sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Obama. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat
over a few beers, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed
two million prisoners.."
MONTANA CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN
Don't worry zombies are looking for brains, you're safe...