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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Cincinnati
    Posts
    7,977
    This was posted by Condenseddave a couple years back and many members signed on at that time. Lately there have been several newer members "less than 1000 posts" who I feel need to read this and step up to the plate. There have been several non-masculine comments being made that have led me to beleive that there are some light in the loafer kind of guys in here.



    [QUOTE]Originally posted by condenseddave


    Better yet, let's not talk about light-in-the-loafers politicians.
    How many of you are actually retrosexuals???

    Please allow me to vent. I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!

    Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement. "

    The Code :

    A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

    A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

    A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

    A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

    A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.

    A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)

    A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.

    A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff
    (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

    A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

    A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

    A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

    A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

    A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

    A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.

    A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

    A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

    A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little "wakin' up".

    Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your Ford truck.

    When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

    A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner

    A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

    A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

    A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.

    A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. Except on his truck--that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL with IT, or do both.

    A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

    A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

    A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT !
    __________________


    I have always been one.

    I say it's about time we all reclaim the title: "Man" from the rest of those who would misuse it.
    __________________
    ON VACATION UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    East Stroudsburg, PA
    Posts
    13,215

    Cool

    Nice reminder.

    It's available on the web, at:

    http://www.geocities.com/condensedda..._Movement.html


  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Victoria,Tx
    Posts
    6,680

    Angry The man

    I made a copy to take to the guys at work. I work with 4 men that are just liars. One even told the boss how many times he has been struck by lightning, one that even told the boss that his stock never goes down and one even told the plant manager that he drove his motorcycle into a tornado to devert it from hitting the plant! These guys must not of had fathers! Oh there is more, I'm just sick of those lies. My boss is a pathologial liar. He thinks that all the women want him. I think that he is the one that is not getting any! I never saw this kind of lying until 1985, and it is getting worse! I podted a while back about a little boy having a vivid imagation. He had no father, Damn my heart is bigger than my checkbook! Roy

    [Edited by oroy54 on 02-20-2005 at 10:23 AM]

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Richmond Virginia
    Posts
    1,078
    Herumph herumph............hey, I didn't get a herumph outta that guy!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Central Kentucky
    Posts
    6,247
    Cdave,that rocks. Being retrosexual should never go out of style,I was grunting the whole time I read it.
    mattm,thank you for posting that. I am one of the newbies who has not seen that.
    I will also be taking this into work with me.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    newton,mass.
    Posts
    6,109

    Re: The man

    [QUOTE]Originally posted by oroy54
    [B] My boss is a pathologial liar. He thinks that all the women want him.

    Your boss is a LIAR they want me, and I know that for a fact!
    "Nothing else can poison our culture, corrupt our society or ruin the character of our people like unearned money or unearned opportunity." -- James R. Cook

    "Fooling around with alternating current is just a waste of time. Nobody will use it, ever." Thomas Edison, 1889.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Cincinnati
    Posts
    7,977
    I love the one about the guy riding his motorcycle into the tornado to divert it. If he was relly serious and thinking people would believe the story he needs help.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Victoria,Tx
    Posts
    6,680

    Frown

    I am not grunting, I know who I am, so no need to grunt.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Posts
    9,871

    I agree

    Dave does have serious unresolved personal issues!!







    BTW: IMO anyone who can put Dice in a pink pair of tight shorts then post it here, has definite, shall we say, UN-natural urges in his loins. :P

    [Edited by rob10 on 02-20-2005 at 12:42 PM]

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    East Stroudsburg, PA
    Posts
    13,215

    Re: I agree

    Originally posted by rob10
    Dave does have serious unresolved personal issues!!







    BTW: IMO anyone who can put Dice in a pink pair of tight shorts then post it here, has definite, shall we say, UN-natural urges in his loins. :P

    [Edited by rob10 on 02-20-2005 at 12:42 PM]
    You're the one that married the teenage boy.

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