Ed the chicken
Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed.'
Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'
Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home....
The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new
hen, huh? How's your first day here?'
'Not bad,' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'
'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'
'Never,' said Ed.
'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'
He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!
He was overcome with emotion as he
He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard.....
"Ed, wake up! You crapped in the bed!"
Ha. Reminds me of the time I woke up because something seemed wrong to me for a yet undetermined reason. I sat up and felt someone's arm on my lap (I lived alone at the time). I got startled and shot out of bed, ready to woop some butt. Then I realized that it had been my own arm. I had rolled over on my left arm in the night, and it was numb, not to where it was tingling, but to where I couldn't feel it at all. (I guess that's what woke me up) When I sat up I felt it fall on my lap and since I couldn't feel anything with that arm, thought it was someone who broke in or something.
I'm not tolerating Political Correctness anymore, from now on it's tell it like it is.
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