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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Momence,IL.
    Posts
    121
    My stepson is really getting to me.Tell him to do something or hes grounded and tells me I aint his dad.I,ve been around for 13 of his 15 yrs.Lately he gets in my face like he,s gonna kick my a#$.I aint gonna take that crap from no snot nosed 15 yr. old punk especially one I've raised.Have no problem with his brother and sister who are 14 yaer old twins.He dares me to hit him so he can call the cops and his mom just coddles him and he can do no wrong in her eyes.In my opinion he needs a serious a@# beating he keeps this up and I,m gonna enjoy it when he turns 18.He pulls this crap whenever there is things to do around the house that I expect all the children to pitch in and do,then he says he's leaving before he gets so mad as to hit me(I wish)and me and the other kids do the work.They have also complained to thier mom about this but she dont listen to it.Dont know what to do but the wick is burning shorteron my control.Any opinions?

  2. #2
    You and your wife (I assume he is her son) need to have a unified front... fix that first! It will never work if you are the only disciplinarian (did I spell that right?). Once you and your wife see eye to eye, work on the boy. I never hit my child and rarely raise my voice, what works for me is to take away priveleges. Figure out what is near and dear to the boy and start taking them away, don't let him see you get pissed and be consistant. Once he conforms to the rules, feed the good stuff back in.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2000
    Location
    Colorado flatland native
    Posts
    15,067

    The man with the money makes the rules......

    I went through this with mine too. I just took away everything. Period. He went to school, I threw it all away. x-box, tv, computer, took phone rights, Let him know theres no way he'll ever drive a car with my help. No driving one of my vehicles while he has a permit, no insurance, no car, no gas, not ever. No $5. on friday night, answer to every question [can you give me a ride to...] was no. Quit cookoing for him, didn't buy him the food only he likes. The stuff I through away, I wasn't faking, it was gone. He's slowly earning it back by co-operating and treating me with respect. Of course Mom backed me on this after a lengthy discussion.
    My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.
    Walter Matthau

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    in a tree looking in your window
    Posts
    1,162
    I feel bad for your situation, it sounds like you have 2 problems, your stepson and your wife. I would try and fix your wife first then the stepson, I dont think you can do it any other way. Have you spoken with your wife as frankly as you have posted with us?

    Good luck
    If you dont stand behind our troops, please feel free...........to stand in front of them.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    San Jose, Ca
    Posts
    2,089
    You need some outside help. Is there a waay you can get family consoling? When raising kids both parents need to be on the same page. As chilerdude said you need to fix wife first.
    When you start to get mad remember no one can make you mad, that is something that you do. You can be upset about what someone else does.
    Do you love the boy? And have you told him so? I useto tell my boys that I loved them and could not let them behave in that manner because of my love for them.
    In a quite time when nothing has blown up try sitting down with him and asking him is something bugging him be cause you are worried about him.
    Keep trying and I will be praying for yur family.
    Len
    Old snipes don't die they just loose their steam

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Momence,IL.
    Posts
    121
    yes I have and she puts her foot down when things boil to a head and it is ok for a week or two then it comes down to the sos.He works part time and has bought his own stereo so I cant take that away but I told him it is my electric so he cant plug it in.He also bought his own cell phone so the no phone dont work either.He lets his dirty clothes just pile up uses dishes and glasses one after the other and dont lift a finger around the house to do anything,but the minute one of his friends call and needs help or to help thier parents it's off he goes.I know boys will be boys but there is a limit as to how much to let go about keeping the room clean.We have a house rule everyone is responsible for thier own dishes,this works for everyone but him then he throws a weeks worth in the sink and expects someone else to cover his slack or do his laundry.I work full time and go to nite school to better myself and our situation.Mom works too at this age I would think he should be more responsible than the younger ones but it is not soI dont know maybe I expect too much but I had more respect for my father than to raise my hand to him and talk back let alone curse

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    east kansas
    Posts
    8,030
    My neice call the cops on her mom and dad. She ended up spending the rest of the night at the county jail.

    You might warn the cop at the school if there is one that he is becoming abusive at home. Then if you have to defend yourself there is a paper trail of his abuse.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    SE Michigan
    Posts
    17,906
    Send him to boot camp or tell him if he wants to live in a foster home that he can do that too. Take him to the doctor and have him drug tested and see if hes on dope. Could be that dumbass rap music too. That crap teaches nothing but disrespect. Whan he swares, tell him you will wash his mouth out with soap and do it. Take him for a drive out to the country and have it out. Beat him with a phone book so you dont leave any marks.
    " Kill a Commie for Mommy! "

    - Colonel David Hackworth (1930-2005), Korean War Vet

  9. #9
    Originally posted by coolwhip
    Send him to boot camp or tell him if he wants to live in a foster home that he can do that too. Take him to the doctor and have him drug tested and see if hes on dope. Could be that dumbass rap music too. That crap teaches nothing but disrespect. Whan he swares, tell him you will wash his mouth out with soap and do it. Take him for a drive out to the country and have it out. Beat him with a phone book so you dont leave any marks.
    maybe it's not rap music. it could be metalic or heavy metel.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    3,708
    Come on now what boy at 15 including us have not been down
    this road..responibilty is the furest thing from ones mind.

    Some time you have to understand that some kids are pigs
    and no matter how many ass chewin you do it wont help.
    Just know that in three years he become a man,that you hope,then you can get sweet revenge.

    I have three sons,and they all went thru this phase.And yes
    there were time that I wanted to knock there asses out but
    reframe from doing so.

    Just be paintence and try to look at the good they do,as well as all the things they dont do right.
    And just because they growup and leave home you still will be dealing with stuff like this but only on a higher scale.

    Enjoy the time you have with them now,even tho there a pain
    and the ass,wait to they become a man and have a real agenda,then you never get to see them.

    It makes you wish for times like you having now.Peace and
    quiet.. sucks.













  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Yo.... Here!, I'm right here..
    Posts
    6,236
    Been there done that. I empathize with you.
    {man your in a bad spot}

    Had her kid say the same after years of putting up with her "your not my dad" crap. Her father never as much as sent her a birthday card or Christmas card in years. I finally kicked her ass out and said go ahead and look him up. She was back in 2 days he didn't want her.

    Hate to say this but if your wife won't back you get rid of her too.

    Oh and cover your ass or you are going to be made the bad guy. If he hits you and you kick his ass guess who's getting locked up.



    jmo

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Location
    Ft.Worth,Tx
    Posts
    4,584
    Kicking his ass ;won't help either. I tried it with my wife son once and it backfired on me.

    The best thing to do is get him alone and ask him if you were a man you would have responsiblity, but you are not even a boy your a baby. With everybody else taking care of you as we did when you were a baby.. Worked for my wife son and my daughter too.
    "Everyday above ground, is a good day".
    "But everyday that you have made a difference in someones life, may insure you stay above ground a little longer".<aircooled>

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Waco, Texas, USA
    Posts
    6,153
    dragon from what I have read so far it looks like you might be most of the problem.

    Was your wife married before you came along and does she have any kids from a previous marriage?
    "And remember my sentimental friend......that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others" - Wizard of Oz.

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