Saw this on another tool site.......
ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: Also known as a knucklebuster. Will round off any sized
nut, standard or metric.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning
power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that
travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty
bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in Springfield, and rounds
BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulphuric acid
from a car battery to the inside of your tool box after determining that
your battery is dead as a door nail, just as you thought.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool
that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end
without the handle.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
flings your coffee across the room, splattering it against that freshly
painted part you were drying.
DUCT TAPE: Used for sealing and fastening together almost everything.
Great for patching holes and covering rusty areas on car bodies.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle upward
off a hydraulic jack.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in
their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for
drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes
to the rear wheel.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and
is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the pessimism
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal
your future becomes.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
used as a kind of radar device to locate expensive parts not far from
the object we are trying to hit.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after
you have installed your new front disk brake set-up, trapping the jack
handle firmly under the front fender.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well
on boxes containing seats and motorcycle jackets.
METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease
inside a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing grease out of.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used,
as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads and can double as
oil filter removal wrench by stabbing through stubborn oil filters.
PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbour to see if he has another
hydraulic floor jack.
PIPE CUTTER: See hose cutter.
PIPE WRENCH: See adjustable wrench
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
PRYBAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease build
TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop
light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is
not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits aside,
its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate
that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours
of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is
TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile
strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to
VICE- GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is
available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the
palm of your hand.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2
socket you've been searching for, the last 15 minutes.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere
under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint
whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.