Just fired my son (again)

[Roncool]

Well I am feeling pretty bad now, but I think I did the correct thing. My son is 26 years old and is living in my house. He has worked for me for the better part of a year and half. I have had run in's with him for along time now. The kid just does not do what is asked, never if ever shows up to work at the correct time always has a attutute. He really does not seem to care much about our family business. today he installed a Goodman 2 ton furnace in a garrage and coil, hooked it up to a exsisting condenser, removed a suction line filter and instaled a new liq line filter. this took 10 hours. He is mad because he does not get paid enought.I gave him a service Van he took out the center part and installed a 3 foot speaker ripped out the dodge radio and installed his own.I gave him him (pleded)6 months to get EPA an ARI cert did not do eather. He drives my company van and does not have a Lic to drive. I did the right thing . my wife was siting there crying making me feel bad just thought I would vent to the world thanks

[rax]

Sometimes tough love is the only thing that works, my dad had to kick my older brother out of the house after he droped out of school and didn't bother to even look for a job. It was the wake up call my brother needed, in the end it all worked out my dad and brother get along great and my brother named his son after my dad. As of late me and my son have been bumping heads he keeps saying he can't wait till he's 18 so he can move out, because he can't live with our rules. I keep trying to tell him not to end up like me busting my ass at two jobs just to make a decent living, but some people have to be slap in the face by life before we learn.

[Steve Wiggins]

The sign of a good parent is when the kids don't ever want to move. If your kids can't wait to get out of the house at 18 then what did you do wrong?

[hvac45]

On the other hand Steve maybe they don't want to leave cause they are so spoiled and have it made. I think we should have mandatory military service for 2 years, myself. I have seen very few young men and women that it did not help them get ready to face life. including my son.

[rax]

Originally posted by Steve Wiggins
The sign of a good parent is when the kids don't ever want to move. If your kids can't wait to get out of the house at 18 then what did you do wrong?

It's a shame we want to know where he is going what time he's going to be home or ground him for not doing his chores or not keeping his grades a c or better, maybe I'm being to tough but I don't think so. he's not a bad kid he don't cause trouble around the nieborhood its just that he has devolped an attitude that the world owes him and every thing should go his way.

[Green Mountain]

Sons!! Oh boy I know what you are talking about. I have 3 of them. "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink."

They are all adults now. I still have one at home. Now 23yo. He is going to college. He got his associates degree in HVAC. But he is a math whiz so he is going for his bachelors to become a math teacher. Can't fault him for that.

The 32 yo son works for the company. Does excellent work. He is married and has one kid. Bought his own house and renovated it himself. He also got his assocates in HVAC. I want him to take over the business. "No thanks I don't want the headaches!"

Oldest son,33 yo, did a 3 year hitch in the Army. This kid really needed the army. When he got out he took his education money and went to culinary college. He got an associates degree and is now a chef in a big hotel.

I disagree that if a kid wants to move out at 18, that you did something wrong.

It is a great big fat world out there. All you can do is give them a good set of values and hope for the best. They will and must try thier own wings. You just got to be there to pick them up when they fall down. How long do you have to do this? Answer: As long as it takes.

My daughter said to me, "I'm glad that you taught us kids how to work." She is 34 and is a big time graphic designer down in the city.

I guess I am pretty much out of the woods as far as parenting goes. Sometimes I lend them money for one of thier plans but they always pay me back.

The way I look at it is that I brought them into the world so I am responsible for them until the day that I die. So I never looked to age 18 or 21 and thought that I am done.

Your reward for all of this toil and heartache, that they put you through, is when you hear them say something to thier kids and it is exactly what you said to them when they were the same age.

[sodadude]

I think parents take way too much credit when their kids turn out to be successful.

On the other hand I think parents BLAME themselves way too much when the opposite occurs.

[Stamas]

Originally posted by Steve Wiggins
The sign of a good parent is when the kids don't ever want to move. If your kids can't wait to get out of the house at 18 then what did you do wrong?

Our's couldn't wait to get to school. One's graduated and has his own place and a place here, if he wants to visit. There's alot of things to do in this world and they can't wait to do them. I here the girls talking on what they will do with there own places and what they'll do to fix up their old rooms when they leave.
What none of them know is that there's a nice nest egg waiting for them when they do settle down and need a house.

[mattm]

Maybe HVAC just aint his gig.. Maybe you could encourage him to get into the car customizing thing, sounds like that's what he likes and it's big business these days.

Sounds like he pimped yo service truck.

[itsamine]

Parents are really never done being parents. I for one couldn't wait to get out of the house. It wasn't anything they did but I was a "Man" at the time Needed my space. So I joined the Navy. Then realized that there was alot more to learn than I thought. I'm still learning at 35. My mom always to this day asks do you need this or that. I tell her to stop worrying that I'm 35 and she tells me "I'm your mother it's my job to worry about you no matter what age you are" I guess after reading this post I look at my kids and now I know what she means.

[bootlen]

Sounds like you need to "fire" your wife, too. You did right, no matter how much the missus cries. If he acted that way at home, I'd kick him to the curb. Time for that boy to grow up.

[hal parker]

Turning boys into men is not an easy job. I don"t mean to over simplify but have you tried to sit down with him and just talk? Sometimes a very frank discussion of how you feel and what you expect can result in an exchange that could be very beneficial. Be very up front and do not turn this into a lecture or yelling contest. Find out if he wants to work in this trade or not. Find out what he does want. Listen to his side and explain yours. Are you treating him like your son when he is on the job or like an employee? If it doesn"t work out, it doesn"t work out but it doesn"t need to be adversarial. The rewards of working with your son can be great but so can the problems. Good luck.

[Roncool]

Thanks I injoyed reading many of your comments. It is first thing in the morning the next day, and I still feel the same way. This kid really needs to be on his own as soon as possible. I have always thought his mother just makes it worse by protecting him from the consequences of his actions. I know that to be true now, and she does too, besides I am to fat and agly, and she is just too beautful to fire her now.

[Boiling Point]

double post

[Edited by Boiling Point on 06-18-2004 at 10:15 AM]

[Boiling Point]

Originally posted by Steve Wiggins
The sign of a good parent is when the kids don't ever want to move. If your kids can't wait to get out of the house at 18 then what did you do wrong?

How wrong some can be - some of the kids that dont want to move out are lazy or on drugs or did not get self esteem as a child and feel that they can not do it. There are many factors in the development of children - just because your kid cant wait to turn 18 and get the hell out does not mean you screwed up. Hell I said it when was a kid, bet there are quite a few on this site that have, and realized quickly how lucky I was. I get amazed how people can spew out a response like this - do you know anything about this family?? Perhaps they are a strong individual type that needs to be on there own and experience life. So when a kid turns 18 and runs to the recruiting office does that mean his parent screwed up?? The sign of a good parent is a strong, individual, focused, caring, loving, supportive child - not one that mooches off the folks until 30.

But this is one mans opinion who moved out at 19 and loves his parent very much and they did nothing wrong - unless you count getting me into this trade from auto mechanics.

[thehumid1]

My personal experience is that poverty and hunger were a greater motivator than my parents ever were. 26 and no drivers license? Why would you risk your insurance like that? Anyway sounds like it may be time to wean him off the tit. Shoulda fired him right the first time shielding a person/family member from failure does not help them although it hurts to see them suffer. I appreciate my good friends today ...they are the ones that stab me in the front.

[AllTemp]

Originally posted by Steve Wiggins
The sign of a good parent is when the kids don't ever want to move. If your kids can't wait to get out of the house at 18 then what did you do wrong?

Why am I not shocked by your statement ... With mentality such as this, it's no wonder the world has problems.. Steve your a work art...

[Edited by AllTemp on 06-18-2004 at 05:06 PM]

[bootlen]

Originally posted by Steve Wiggins
The sign of a good parent is when the kids don't ever want to move. If your kids can't wait to get out of the house at 18 then what did you do wrong?

================================================== ==========

I see by your signature and post that the Wizard of Oz must be your family counsellor. Kids who want to stay at home after 18 have been taught to be lazy and count on others to do what you're supposed to do.

[ice machine undertaker]

The ideal parent should make himself/herself progressively less necessary

[rob10]

Originally posted by Steve Wiggins
The sign of a good parent is when the kids don't ever want to move. If your kids can't wait to get out of the house at 18 then what did you do wrong?

Steve, your just a freak and you always will be a freak!!