Happy as a puppy with two peckers
Happy as a queer in boys town
Shaking like a blind queer at a wienee roast I have no idea what that means but my old man used to say it.
screwed up as a football bat.
duct tape and cable ties will fix anything, if that don't work add a 90-340.
He's tighter then a calms a$$ .
He's so full of sh!t his breath is bad and his eyes are brown .
Dummer then a stump.
He's almost as smart as stupid .
Can get lost going crazy.
Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers.
"The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers it can bribe the public with the public's own money.
- Alexis de Toqueville, 1835
she is runnin like a raped date
mEANING A BAD WORK ETHIC( QUIT DICKIN THE DOG)
That went over like a ruptured pole vaulter.
A casserole short of a potluck
The lights are on but nobody's home.
As smart as a pet porcupine in a balloon factory.
If your brains were set on the edge of a razor blade, it would
be like a pea rolling off a 4-lane highway.
If your brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow to
blow your nose.
If your brains were gas, you wouldn't have enough to power a ant's
go-cart around a Cheerio.
It never pays to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous!
Fix the problem, not the blame!
A fool and his money are easily parted, but how did the fool get the money
in the first place?
And... for those Walmartians in sweat pants..... She looks like two hippos
fighting under a tent!!!!
Hornier than a 3 balled tom-cat.
Worthless as tits on a chicken.
From a car salesman:
Deal of the day
Bring your money and your wife
And we'll dicker
happier than a coon in a corn patch
sore as a risun
(she/he) so ugly, you could beat (her/him) with an ugly stick and no one would notice.
he's so tight he beats his money, like a pimp beats a whore, so it works harder.
shes so ugly you'd have to put a bag over your head, in case hers comes off.
if he had any brains he'd be dangerous.
do those dark roots mean you have brain damage (actually heard a kid ask a woman that, when i was strollin around in wally world one night. she got on to him for somethin, he shut her up with that retort.)
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
can't beat that with a limp d!ck.
I repair air conditioners to keep people cool when it's 110+ degrees outside.
I repair heaters so people don't freeze to death.
I shut down furnaces that are unsafe to operate.
Make fun of my profession, but dang it, I save lives.
We're awl pawthetic and kweepy and can't get giwrls. That's why we fight wobots.
Colder than a witches titty in a brass bra. Hotter than a 4balled Tom cat. Bright as a burnt out light blub