Hotter than two rats humping in a wool sock in August
Colder than a well diggers butt
Colder than a witches t!t
tighter than a duck's butt
slicker than greased eel sh!t
Keep the fire inside the fireplace.
About as queer as a football bat!
Close enough for horseshoes and hand grenades.
Good enough for government work.
Looks good from my house.
(When leaving for the day) Make like a baby and head out.
I guess I'll do something, even of it's wrong.
You are about as efficient as a government operation.
I'll think of some more later.
The Lord must love stupid people or he wouldn't have made so many.
Why is it that when I am in a hurry, everyone else on the road goes 15 MPH under the speed limit?
As useful as tits on a bull.
Tighter than two coats of paint.
One a co-worker has used. Whole kitchen staff about died laughing when he said it as he was headed out the door...
Make like a set of titties and bounce
hit it like u got a pair...they scattered like roaches when the lights come on....off like a prom dress....he's so tight he could eat coal and crap diamonds...
that's fine as frog hair split three ways. like a sore pet** you cant bea* it.
I have been lied to, cheated, cursed at, and been taken advantaged of every way possible. The only reason I keep coming back is to see what happens next.
When you can't curse, saying to someone you're angry with, "when you get home, I hope your Momma runs out from underneath the porch & bites you in the leg".
More from the boss....
"Uglier than a bagful of smashed @$$holes"
"She could cut more dados on a six inch worm than a monkey could on a mile of grapevine"
harder than a woodpeckers lips
busier than a one legged man at an a$$ kicking contest
drier than a snuff makers a$$
That went over like a fart in a spacesuit.
When an obvious question is asked - respond - Does a shark $h!t in the water?
Higher than a Giraffe's ***hole.
One of my favorites:
If I had your money I'd burn mine.