METAPHORS

[MI-Amore]

... stuck between a fire hydrant and a dog!

[deejer28]

it took three men and a hairy child to lift that,,,,, when somethings obvious , does a duck have a watertight ass

[Todd S 2]

A couple of my favorite:

That's harder than a wedding dick.

Cut me off at the knees and call me tripod.

[deejer28]

when somethings good,,, thats the cock for dolly , went over like a lead balloon

[TerraPropHVAC]

A couple of my favorite:

That's harder than a wedding dick.

Cut me off at the knees and call me tripod.

I always heard, " Harder than a priest's pr*ck on a wedding day."

[TerraPropHVAC]

He's shaken worse than a blind queer at a weenie roast.

[gevans]

From my Ozark grannie: easier 'n sliding a hot buttered awl up a wildcat's ass.

Went over like a fart in church.

[DeltaT]

As useful as a screen door on a submarine.

Had to grease her thighs to get her through the door.

Once a king, always a king but once a knight enough'

And a very few of my First Shirts many favorite sayings I listened to for years:

I'll kiss your butt in the middle of (fill in the town) and give it a week to draw a crowd.

Pop Eye's a MF if that isn't true.

I'll knock your dick in your watch pocket if you don't get that done.

[rctech]

The rich get richer the poor have babies.
A dollar short and a bill late.
Better to live on the roof than a with nagging wife.

[Lone Eagle]

Better to live on the roof than a with nagging wife.[/QUOTE]

Actually Biblically based.......Proverbs 21:9 (KJV) "It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop,than with a brawling woman in a wide house"

[oogene]

busier than a 3 legged rabbit at the dog track

[skippedover]

So tight he squeaks.

Uglier than a bag full of axxholes.

Cuter than a wheelbarrow full of baby ducks.

Busier than a one armed paper hanger in an axx kickin' contest.

Tight as a tick.

You'll sh!t too, if you eat regular. (Response to someone who's made the most "astounding" observation)

Need to p!ss so bad, my back teeth a floatin'.

Need to sh!t so bad, I can taste it. (Response) Yeah, I can smell it on your breath.

Darker than the inside of a crow's belly.

Hotter than a skunkworks.

Hot enough to fry eggs on the sidewalk.

Workin' so many hours, on my way home last night I passed myself goin' the other way.

That ladder's too tall for me. I get nose bleeds at high altitudes.

Funnier than a pay toilet in the diarrhea ward.

Slicker than snot.

Tighter than a bull's axx at fly time.

[pulse21]

Happy as a puppy with two peckers

Happy as a queer in boys town

Shaking like a blind queer at a wienee roast I have no idea what that means but my old man used to say it.

screwed up as a football bat.

[nak]

He's tighter then a calms a$$ .
He's so full of sh!t his breath is bad and his eyes are brown .
Dummer then a stump.
He's almost as smart as stupid .
Can get lost going crazy.

[DeltaT]

Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers.

[jricer2001]

she is runnin like a raped date

[kimosobee]

mEANING A BAD WORK ETHIC( QUIT DICKIN THE DOG)

[Wendo]

How about.......

That went over like a ruptured pole vaulter.

A casserole short of a potluck

The lights are on but nobody's home.

As smart as a pet porcupine in a balloon factory.

If your brains were set on the edge of a razor blade, it would
be like a pea rolling off a 4-lane highway.

If your brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow to
blow your nose.

If your brains were gas, you wouldn't have enough to power a ant's
go-cart around a Cheerio.

It never pays to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous!

Fix the problem, not the blame!

A fool and his money are easily parted, but how did the fool get the money
in the first place?

And... for those Walmartians in sweat pants..... She looks like two hippos
fighting under a tent!!!!

[aaronforprez]

Hornier than a 3 balled tom-cat.
Worthless as tits on a chicken.

[above-par]

From a car salesman:
Deal of the day
Bring your money and your wife
And we'll dicker