THE FDA HAS PROPOSED THAT WARNING SIGNS BE PLACED ON
BOOZE BOTTLES TO TIP OFF DRINKERS ABOUT THE POSSIBLE
PERIL OF POUNDING A PINT OR TWO:

1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up
with breath that could knock a buzzard off a manure truck at
100 yards.

2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major cause in dancing
like an idiot.

3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same
boring story over and over until your friends want to SMASH YOUR
HEAD IN.

4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings
like thish.

5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss
what you REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office
xmas party.

6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are REALLY dying for you to call them at 4 in the morning.

7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell ever happened to your pants, skirt, panties, bra, underwear
anyway.

8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something reall SCARY (whose species and/or name
you can't remember.)

9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause inexplicable
rug burn on the forehead.

10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some REALLY, REALLY big guy
named Psycho.