You have mentioned being fat and old a few times. I refuse to believe it.
I figure every ride is anywhere between 400 - 800 calories. You don't drink anymore, so those calories are not in the mix, either.
I think you'd have to quit your job and spend all day eating to get fat.
BTW, I remember my dad telling me stories of growing up in New Westminster. With no running water, he would have to go down to the creek in the morning with a bucket to get water, and he would have to look up in the trees to make sure a cougar was not going to make a breakfast of HIM.