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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    219

    Funniest Thing I Have Ever Read!!!!

    UPS Airlines

    After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

    By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
    *
    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
    *
    P: Something loose in cockpit
    S: Something tightened in cockpit
    *
    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.
    *
    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
    per minute Descent
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
    *
    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.
    *
    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.
    *
    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.
    *
    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
    *
    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.
    *
    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
    *
    P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
    *
    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
    *
    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.
    *
    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
    midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    6,285
    " P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search"

    I like that one...


    That's pretty funny thanks for sharing.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Houston, Texas
    Posts
    352

    funny

    OMG I can't breathe! I would love to know where that came from it is hillarious.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Eastern PA
    Posts
    68,923
    This has been circulating for a few years now with being attributed to several different sources. This is the first time I've seen it giving credit to UPS. Still funny as hell.
    Government is a disease...
    ...masquerading as its own cure…
    Ecclesiastes 10:2 NIV


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