Where do i begin. The last time i talked to you guys was on my birthday last year in september and I have gone straight downhill since then. My Dad got into a bad car accident and there i was to step up to the plate and guess what? He fired me from the hospital a month later. I had pretty much quit all of the drugs and drinking and was with Kitty at the time. I cut my phone off on a sunday and the next day he said clean out the van and give me the phone back. Well after that i shut down. Lost my house, Lost the limited ability that I had to talk, and lost the little bit of confidence that i had. I can not seem to muster the strength to do any thing on a daily basis. I have applied to numerous maintenance jobs and they wont even take me. I basically taught myself in my Dads van for four years and I was making good money for him. Now I am to the point where i do not know what to do. I dont enjoy anything any more, my kids, my girl, nothing makes me smile. I cant even talk to people anymore, every time i go to say something anxiety takes over and i cant speak at all. I have probably said a total of 10 sentences since Christmas. I sleep 12 hours and barely eat. I feel like I am falling off the earth. Now that is out i can honestly say that being a lefty is a curse. I dont know how to make myself happy and i am acting like a little B****. I never would have thought in a million years that i would give up, but i did. I just need a chance to prove to myself that i can do it again. With five kids that love me I have got to get the hell up and do something. I just want to go back to work for Dad. He says that i have to get myself straight first then He will be glad to take me back but i have got to get over this crap. I appreciate the ears.