The Master of One-Liners by George Carlin
-How come wrong numbers are never busy?
-Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?
-Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
-Does killing time damage eternity?
-Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
-Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
-Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
-Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?
-Daylight savings time. Why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
-Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
-Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
-Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
-How can there be self-help "groups"?
-How do you get off a non-stop flight?
-How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
-How many weeks are there in a light year?
-If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
-If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
-If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
-If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make foghorns out of?
-If you shouldn't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
-If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
-Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
-Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?
-Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?