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Thread: KILLER BISCUITS

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2002
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    KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER
    (The actual Associated Press headline)

    Kim Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and
    while there, went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
    Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled
    up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her
    head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became
    concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Kim's eyes were
    now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay,
    and Kim replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had
    been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the
    paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and
    Kim refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got
    in, they found that Kim had a wad of bread dough on the back of her
    head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making
    a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her
    in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it
    was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially
    passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for
    over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. And, yes, Kim
    is a blonde.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
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    1,293
    Thanks, I kneaded a laugh.

  3. #3
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    Jul 2000
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    Funny story but a search of the AP website scores a zero.


  4. #4
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    Nov 2000
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    OK, it is funny, but it also struck a cord with me.

    At the end of last year I had a little accident with a friends 86 Toyota pick-em-up.

    I spun out of control on a curve, went into the woods, off a 15 foot drop, flipped the truck which hit a tree while upside down, rolled into a creek.

    OK, so here I am, in the dark, looking at the creek in the headlights through a shattered windshield. I am pinned to the seat from the door pressed into my leg so I cannot get out. Now the scary part.

    I know I have been upside down and I know I have bashed my head against the side door jamb. Now I am feeling wetness pouring down my head and wetting my back. It is dark inside the truck. I panic because I figure I have cracked my skull wide open. I can now feel the anxiety and cold clammy drop of blood pressure from going into shock.I manage to call 911 and am barely coherent because I know I am bleeding to death. While on the phone I see light behind me and hear someone yelling to me. It was a State Trooper just happening by and saw me down in the creek.

    When the trooper opened the pasenger door, I handed him my cell phone and said "how bad is my head". He shined the light on me and said it was bleeding but not that bad. I then looked at the wet seat and my shirt which was wet but not bloody. As it turned out I had a bottle of water on the pasenger seat that evidently broke when it hit the roof and was dripping water down over my head.

    I could not shake the symptoms of going into shock until the paramedics gave me something to calm me down. The mind can do some amazing things to you.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
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    1,293
    I think Robin and anidair have been watching too many bugs bunny cartoons - the ones where Elmer fudd has ketchup dripping on his head, and he thinks he's dead.

  6. #6
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    Nov 2000
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    Eastern PA
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    Shhhhhhh.....Mywanta..




    BANG!!!!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    MemphisTn
    Posts
    179

    Smile

    Originally posted by mylanta
    I think Robin and anidair have been watching too many bugs bunny cartoons - the ones where Elmer fudd has ketchup dripping on his head, and he thinks he's dead.
    Yeah, them and roadrunner both.
    also like Batman and Robin, especially the one where Robin takes the batmobile and loses it in a curve and flips it in a ditch. hee hee. Sorry Robin couldn't resist.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
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    1,293
    Robin, how do you get away with calling that a "little" accident? Sounds like you totalled the truck, and could have been killed. You'd been drinking that night?

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Eastern PA
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    Truck was totalled big time. The tree made an impression across one side panel of the bed and completely crushed the tailgate into the bumper. The bed was bent on a 30 angle from the rear axle back.

    Despite the damage to the vehicle, I was only bounced around a bit. Had a minor head wound from the door sill and was brused up quite a bit from bouncing around in the cab, but in all I was very lucky. Most people look at the pictures of the truck and say they can't believe it didn't kill me.

    I had had two drinks with dinner over a three hour period. I left early because they were playing too much country music. If I had stayed for anothe 5 or 6 tequilas I would have been fine.

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