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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2002
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    Having a bad day?
    Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of
    forest, while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased
    male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his
    flippers, and facemask. A post-mortem revealed that the man died not from
    burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a
    positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a
    fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

    It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the
    coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to
    control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of
    with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and
    emptied at the site of the forest fire. You guessed it. One
    minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was
    doing the breaststroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days
    it just doesn't pay to get out of bed!

    Still think you're having a bad day?

    A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the
    kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into
    gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it
    burst through the glass patio doors. His wife, hearing the crash, ran in
    the room to find her husband (cut and bleeding), the motorcycle, and the
    shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house
    sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to
    the paramedics and escort them to her husband. While the attendants were
    loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it
    outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper
    towels and tossed them into the toilet.

    After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the
    shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into
    the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his
    business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs. The wife,
    who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming.
    Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and
    burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an
    ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched. As the paramedics
    carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how
    he had come to burn himself.

    She told them. They started laughing so hard, one slipped, tipping the
    stretcher and dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs,
    breaking his arm.

    Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...

    The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil
    spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most
    expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid
    cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer
    whale ate them both.

    Still think you are having a bad day?

    A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically,
    with some kind of wire running from his waist toward the electric kettle.
    Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a
    handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment, he
    had been happily listening to his Walkman.

    STILL think you're having a bad day?

    Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending
    pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs
    broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The
    two hapless protesters to were trampled to death.

    What?! STILL having a bad day??

    Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.
    It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the
    bomb, he opened it and was blown to tiny bits.

    There feel better?!?!?

    "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2000
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    Those are absolutely great, I feel much better now!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2002
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    Thread Starter
    People e-mail me these things all the time I will try to post ones I think are worth reading.

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