Random Acts of Management
A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest.
They asked people to submit quotes from their real
life Dilbert-type managers. Here are the Top Ten
1."As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to
access the building using individual security cards.
Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees
will receive their cards in two weeks."
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp.
in Redmond, WA.)
2."What I need is an exact list of specific unknown
problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
3."E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or
data. It should be used only for company business."
Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
4."This project is so important, we can't let things
that are more important interfere with it."
Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
5."Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
Plant manager, Delco Corporation)
6."No one will believe you solved this problem in one
day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go
act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when
it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
7.Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people
doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
8.My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled
for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on
purpose so that I would have to miss work on the
busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could
change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be
better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
9."We know that communication is a problem, but the
company is not going to discuss it with the
Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
10.One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report
to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked
him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I
wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow
to ask for it!"
(New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards)
In college, I ran a snack bar in a large dormitory (about 1000 students). On Sunday the hours were like 4-7pm. Well one Sunday I came in to open the snack bar and a bunch of students were lined up waiting and complaining about me being late. I thought they were kidding me until one took me over to the sign of store hours and showed me that the hours on Sunday had been changed to 2-7pm. Management had never deemed it important to tell me. But they did tell the lady that ran that snack bar Monday-Friday 8am-5pm.