Now This is Drunk!!
Two buddies, Kevin and Doug, were getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Doug throws up all over himself. "Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!" Kevin says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your shirt pocket and tell Angie that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually Doug stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a tough time.
"You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!"
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Doug says, "Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jewthink. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got sick on me......he had one too many and he juss koudin hold hizz liquor. He said he's was berry sorry an' stuck twentie bucks in my breast pocket for the cleaning bill!"
His wife looks in the shirt pocket and says, "But this is forty bucks..."
"Oh, yeah....... I almos' fergot. He s###!t in my pants, too."