Two men were talking. So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm
having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get
a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this
ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely
natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she
complained, "It wakes me up!"
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife
during a recent lovemaking session,
"How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him
casually and replied, "You're never home!"
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him
back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since
it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for
"small," $6,500 for "medium," and $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he
would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with
his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone
and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found
the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked
the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she
replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies
My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you
happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted
it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
One night an 87 yr old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 yr old
husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing
him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment ...
killing him instantly. Brought before the court on charge of murder. The
judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense. She began
coolly, "Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could have sex . he
could fly