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Thread: Baked Beans

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    Talking Baked Beans

    One day I met a sweet gentleman and
    fell in love. When it became apparent that we would
    marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up

    Some months later, on my birthday,
    my car broke down on the way home from work. Since
    I lived in the countryside I called my husband and
    told him that I would be late because I had to walk
    home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the
    odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.
    With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off
    any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I
    stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had
    consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the
    way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

    Upon my arrival, my husband seemed
    excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly:
    "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

    He then blindfolded me and led me to
    my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just
    as he was about to remove my blindfold, the
    telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the
    blindfold until he returned and went
    to answer the call.

    The baked beans I had consumed were
    still affecting me and the pressure was becoming
    most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the
    room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to
    one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it
    smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
    skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin
    from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

    Then, shifting to the other cheek, I
    ripped off three more. The stink was worse than
    cooked cabbage.

    Keeping my ears carefully tuned to
    the conversation in the other room, I went on like
    this for another few minutes.
    The pleasure was indescribable.
    When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the
    end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few
    more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and
    folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and
    pleased with myself.

    My face must have been the picture
    of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing
    for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked
    through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

    At this point, he removed the
    blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around
    the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

    I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    South Carolina
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    it is amazing the 12 dinner guests were still alive !!!!!!!!!!!!

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