The sex was so good that even the neighbors had
* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every
minute of it.
* I work hard because millions on welfare depend
* Some people are alive only because it's illegal
to kill them.
* I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
* Don't take life too seriously. You won't get
* You're just jealous because the voices only
talk to me.
* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
* Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
* To all you virgins - thanks for nothing.
* I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are
* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
* I don't have to be dead to donate my organ
* I want to die in my sleep like my
grandfather... not screaming and
yelling like the passengers in his car.
* God must love stupid people; he made so many.
* The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
* It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to
* Your IQ test score is back and the results were
* Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
* Beer ~ the reason I get up each afternoon
* I must be a proctologist because I work with
* Frankly, Scallop, I don't give a clam (seen
on Cape Cod)
* That's it! I'm calling Nana! (seen on an 8
* Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to
be when I grew up
* Procrastinate now
* Rehab is for quitters
* My dog can lick anyone.
* I have a degree in Liberal Arts. You want fries
* Party - my crib - two A.M. (on a baby-size
* Finally 21, and legally able to do what I've
been doing since 15
* All men are idiots and I married their King.
* Kentucky: one million people, and 15 last
* Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with
* I'm out of estrogen and I've got a gun.
* A hangover is the wrath of grapes
* A journey of a thousand miles begins with a
* Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere.
* They call it PMS because "Mad Cow Disease" was
* He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless
* Time's fun when you're having flies... Kermit
* Police station toilet stolen... Cops have
nothing to go on.
* Heck is where people go who don't believe in
* A picture is worth a thousand words, but it
uses up a thousand times the memory.
* The Meek shall inherit the earth after we're
through with it.
* Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a
* HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; a
lifetime commitment for a pig.
* The trouble with life is there's no background
* If there is no God, who pops up the next
* Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
* The original point and click interface was a
Smith & Wesson.
* My wild oats have turned to Shredded Wheat.
* Computer geeks don't byte, they nibble a bit.
* Computer geeks know how to use their hardware.
* Mop and Glow - floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.
* NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy,
* Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is
* My husband and I divorced over religious
differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.