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Thread: More Ponderisms

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
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    Eastern Washington
    Posts
    729

    More Ponderisms

    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

    Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

    Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

    Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car-pool lane?

    Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

    If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

    If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? (Stop singing and read on!)

    Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

    Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?


    Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
    batteries are getting weak?

    Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know
    there is not enough?

    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
    stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

    Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

    Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

    Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you
    throw a revolver at him?

    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

    If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

    Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles
    are always white?

    Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

    Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
    something new to eat will have materialized?

    Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their
    vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it
    down to give the vacuum one more chance?

    Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

    How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

    Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's
    falling off the table you always manage to knock something else
    over?

    In winter why do people try to keep the house as warm as it was in
    summer when they complained about the heat?

    And my FAVORITE......

    The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is
    suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best
    friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
    Last edited by hvactech13; 02-27-2007 at 05:38 PM.
    I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

    I will defend, to your death, my right to my opinion.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Los Angeles, CALIFA
    Posts
    1,134
    [QUOTE=hvactech13;1391147]
    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!


    Goofy is the illegitimate child of Minnie and Pluto
    Do as I say, not as I do

  3. #3
    Join Date
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    SW MO.
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    Speed limits are for safety. So how is it safe for a highway patrol officer to go 30mph over the speed limit to catch a speeder going 15mph over the limit?
    Discipline your child so that other parents don't have to.

    We're awl pawthetic and kweepy and can't get giwrls. That's why we fight wobots.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    MN
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    1,820
    If teflon is used as a non-stick coating on frying pans, what makes the teflon stick to the pan?
    A Veteran is a person, who at some point in their life, wrote a blank check payable to the United States of America for payment up to and including their life.
    Gene Castagnetti-Director of the National Memorial Cemetery of the Pacific in Hawaii

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    omaha
    Posts
    343

    Smile

    yes pushing the elevator button more than once does make it go faster
    Last edited by johncavh; 01-28-2010 at 08:25 PM. Reason: spelling

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
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    nyc
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    804
    Quote Originally Posted by johncavh View Post
    yes pushing the elevator button more than once does make it go faster
    Not if the guy in the elevator is pushing his floor button faster...

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    SW MO.
    Posts
    5,216
    Dodge Ram is an oxymoron
    Discipline your child so that other parents don't have to.

    We're awl pawthetic and kweepy and can't get giwrls. That's why we fight wobots.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Little town in Texas
    Posts
    330
    Why do they call them apartments..when they are all together?
    "If you can’t describe what you are doing as a process, you don’t know what you are doing." ~ W. Edwards Deming

    All those who wander..are not lost.

    Do NOT..mistake my kindness for weakness.

    The early bird may get the worm..but the second mouse gets the cheese.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    The 801
    Posts
    95
    If a person from Utah is a Utahn, what is a person from Tampa called??
    The second mouse gets the cheese!!

  10. #10
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    Dec 2010
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    New Orleans
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    whoa you guys have way to much time on your hands

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Los Angeles, CALIFA
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    1,134
    Quote Originally Posted by keeplearnin View Post
    whoa you guys have way to much time on your hands
    You're one to talk!!!!! Reading post dated 4 years ago???? Now who has too much free time????
    Do as I say, not as I do

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    247
    Quote Originally Posted by tech_support007 View Post
    You're one to talk!!!!! Reading post dated 4 years ago???? Now who has too much free time????
    If you'll notice, the poster that made this comment about having too much time is not the one to bring this thread back from the dead...

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    SW MO.
    Posts
    5,216
    Why is McDonald's the official sponsor of the Olympics? That's like Hardees as the official sponsor of The Biggest Loser. Or Sandusky official sponsor of Big Brothers/Big Sisters.
    Discipline your child so that other parents don't have to.

    We're awl pawthetic and kweepy and can't get giwrls. That's why we fight wobots.

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