Survival of The Fittest

[Tiger93rsl]

Survival Of The Fittest

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

[syndicated]

"Been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding, the cretins cloning and feeding.."
- Harvey Danger

[mark beiser]

You REALLY need a cold snap to generate some no heating calls so you can get out of the house...

[Tiger93rsl]

You REALLY need a cold snap to generate some no heating calls so you can get out of the house...

You got that right these 65º in the middle of January and February is just plain ridiculous. I think I'm going to wax my ladders and organise the bolt, nut and fuse bins in the shop tomorrow.

[viceman]

funniest thing i have read in a long time. definately a hall of fame post

[clifpaul]

funniest thing i have read in a long time. definately a hall of fame post

X2.