Obama plan to endunemployment.....

'The Americans with NoAbilities Act'

Washington is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new
benefitsfor many Americans. The Americans with No Abilities Act is being
hailedas a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans
wholack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive
necessaryto carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said a
CaliforniaSenator. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability
(POI)to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will
nolonger be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers,
simplybecause they have some idea of what they are doing."


Ina Capitol Hill press conference, several lawmakers pointed to the success
ofthe U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing
opportunitywithout regard to performance. At the state government level,
theDepartment of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring
Personswith No Ability (63 percent).

Underthe Americans with No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level
positionswill be created, with important-sounding titles but little real
responsibility,thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatorynon-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to
guaranteeupward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The
legislationprovides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a
significantnumber of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management
positions,and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that
agreeto hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally,the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to
makeit more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for
example,discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills
orexperience that relate to this job?"

"Asa non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have
somethinggoing for them," said Mary Lou, who lost her position as a lug-nut
twisterat the GM plant in Flint , Mich. , due to her inability to remember
rightytighty, lefty loosey. "This new law should be real good for people
likeme. I'll finally have job security." With the passage of this bill, I
andmillions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the
endof the tunnel.

Saidone mid-western Senator . "As a senator with no abilities, I believe
thesame privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to
everyAmerican with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide
eachand every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with
somesort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for
doingso."