I am starting a new political party. The JOP: Just Ordinary People. Our platform is use common sense in every situation.
We will make you pay taxes, but not other peoples.
We believe in love. Straight, gay, multi, confused, we don't care. You stay out of our bedroom and we will stay out of yours.
We believe in a higher power, you can call him whatever you want, Jesus, Yahweh, Krishna, Buddha, Allah, or you don't have to believe in anyone or anything, either way don't worry because none of them have a place in government.
We believe women should have complete say over your vagina's because, well, having on is hard enough, we sure as hell aren’t gonna tell you what to do with it too. The minute a man can squeeze a watermelon though his pee-hole, he can start making those kind of decisions.
Gun control. Take a class, get a rifle or hand gun. Get caught with one without having taken the class, BYE!! BIG PUNISHMENTS that are ACTUALLY ENFORCED!
We believe in government programs to assist those who may need food or money. Should you need this cash however, you will receive random drug and home checks. Also, should your shopping list include items like cigarettes, beer, or trips overseas, you will be kicked out of the program based on my mother 2 strikes and you’re out rule. (She never liked that extra strike.)
Our military stance is simple. Give veterans any service they need. Ever. They deserve it. While the DNC, RNC, and JOP are busy with their mutual admiration societies, there are thousands of 18 years olds getting there asses shot so they we can rant like this. God Bless all of you.
Balancing the budget is simple. Don’t overspend… I’m talkin’ to you Democrats. And don’t put your hand out for extra tax breaks when you know you don’t need it… I’m lookin’ at you Republicans. In the words of my father, “Smarten up.” For more ways to save see our stance on government assistance.
Marijuana /Prostitution. I put these two together because if we make them both legal, we can tax and regulate, make people happy and make some cash for America. It’s a win win.
We have no stance on foreign policy other than we will not be bullied and we will not give money or military help to you if you are un-helpable and live in an archaic society. You’re on your own. And if you bother us, watch out. We have collected all the uzis, put them in the hands of the capable military, who just had legal sex with a prostitute and are ready to go.
Should you have any other questions about our stance on issues we would be happy to give you the information you requested. The Democrats patron saint is anyone whose last name is Kennedy, the Republican have Reagan, and we have Judge Judith Sheindlin, who famously said, “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.” In conclusion, consider voting the JOP party. This message wasn’t approved by anyone because we have no money and don’t need approval.