Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university
campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second
engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own
business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first
engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably
wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is
half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the
glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for
fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen
such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have
a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead
of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh,
yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free
anytime!." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so
sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said,
"Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if
there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they
play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between
mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science
degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree
asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How
much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want
fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were
gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One
said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another
said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many
thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it
had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline
through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn
into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in
his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn
back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer
took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the
engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.
Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't
have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."