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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2001
    Posts
    6,662

    Violently assaulted tonite.....

    By myself.......lol

    I was working on making some hinges tonight and was tightening the hell out of my cheap Lowes vise that I purchased a week or so ago...... beating the handle with a big oak mallet.

    I hit the handle off square and that hammer kept traveling right into my testicles.....

    I was on the ground..... besides feeling like someone just hit me in the nads with a hammer it also felt like someone just kicked me in the stomach.

    Ive still got a headache now....and I believe it was from all the pain.

    I limped into the house and went into the restroom to see if everything was still there.....and had to lay down for a couple of hours.

    Nothing has swelled up or anything......no bruising that I can see...... pains gone.......

    But man..... it hurt baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad dddddddddddddddddddddd when it happened.

    Lesson learned....... When tightening a vise using a hammer to whack the vise handle..... stand squarely in front of the vise and not off to the side of it where your body is in the path of the hammer swing......
    As Seen On You Tube (usually under someone elses name)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    North Richland Hills, Texas
    Posts
    14,914
    I'm not sure I would have shared that story.
    If more government is the answer, then it's a really stupid question.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Near Chicago Il.
    Posts
    115
    Oh man, I am torn down the middle between laughing cuz it's a funny story and feeling the pain we are all too familiar with that you hope to never ever have inflicted on us again.

    While skiing once, I hit a jump and landed squarely on my ski pole end. I kicked my skis off and left them right on the mountain and went straight to the bathroom. I was sure I had shoved something into places they weren't intended to be.

    We always gotta learn this stuff the hard way it seems lol.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    2,638
    That's nothing,When I was a kid I was painting one of my model airplanes. I had this bottle of thinner on the table. I knocked over the bottle and all of it went square on my nuts! I let out this scream,went into the shower. I think with my clothes still on, I don't remember. Talk about pain!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    79
    Oh man I had something similar happen to me years ago, don't be surprised if ya can't walk in the morning. The jewels survived but I couldn't walk for a week because of the pain in my hips afterward

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Near Chicago Il.
    Posts
    115
    Quote Originally Posted by coolperfect View Post
    That's nothing,When I was a kid I was painting one of my model airplanes. I had this bottle of thinner on the table. I knocked over the bottle and all of it went square on my nuts! I let out this scream,went into the shower. I think with my clothes still on, I don't remember. Talk about pain!
    OUCH!
    I read a similar story on another forum with a guy who was chopping hot peppers and had an itch....It ended in him with his manhood in a glass of cold water and his sister and her friend walking in finding him that way. I gotta go look for that now to try and ccp it in here lol.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    526
    I observed a moment of silence for you tonight out of respect for what you went through and hoping I do not. Haha

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Near Chicago Il.
    Posts
    115
    OK, I found this other guy's ccp from the motorcycle forum. I'm going to do my best to edit out the real bad stuff, my apologies in advance if I miss something. It's a locked forum so it's kinda anything goes...Long read, but funny. This was posted under a thread titled "most embarrassing moment in your life"
    __________________________________________________ _________

    "First let me start off by saying not too many of my friends know this story, just my really close friends, my mom, sister and two of her friends. Well maybe more of my sisters friends that I don't know.

    I get in these kicks where I'll eat the same thing for like a week, month etc. One time I had a PB and jay every day for 2 months for lunch. It's quick, easy and back then being a student it was very practically for me.

    To save money I stayed home for my undergrad at a local university near my home. I got into this big burrito phase. Where I would heat up one can of re-fried beans on the stove, cut up some onions, lettuce cheese with a little bit of taco bell sauce all nicely wrapped in a burrito, just thinking about this makes me want one.

    One day after class I stopped at the grocery story to get my ingredients for my delicious meal. I came home into an empty house. My dad was at work and my mom I had no clue where she was. So it was a typical afternoon.

    I get the beans on the stove and begin to warm them up. I chopped up my lettuce, onions and get my cheese ready. But I like a little spice in my life so that day I recently added fresh jalapeno peppers to the mix. I usually get the ones outta the can, but nothing beats the taste of a fresh peeper. So I begin to chop them up. Juicy, fresh jalapeno peppers with little tiny seeds. (Let me remind you that this is my first time cooking with fresh jalapenos)! So as Im chopping them up my eyes were watery from the onions, naturally I went to wipe my eye. BIG mistake!!! Wholly f**k does that burn. I mean my eye was really watery after that. Now I had a blood shot barley working eye. But I was determined to eat my meal.

    So after I took a few minutes to recover from wiping my eye with the jalapeno juice on my hands, I continue to finish chopping up the rest of the pepper. After finishing up the pepper, I moved on to getting the lettuce on the wrap. By now my eye has calmed down and things were feeling better, till I had the utmost urgent itch ever. So this itch came from the tip of my c**k, and if you ask anyone in my family I'm always itching my ba**s . So without thinking twice I went for it. Not even into the second swipe of an itch, fire alarm. I'm thinking to myself - what the f**k did I just do!!!!!!! The tip of my penis was on fire. I mean scorching hot fire d**k tip and me having no way to cool it off... So my instinct was to grab a cup of ice water and shove my cock right into the cup!

    Ahhhhh that did the trick, sort of...now this is the part that really got me by surprise (liked the pepper didn't right? ) you have to picture this in your head. Me in the kitchen with a blood red puffy watery eye, hunch over with my shirt wrapped over my head, my shorts and underwear around my ankles and my best member inside a cup of icy water, with a look of death in my face from the pain I just put myself through. Not a minute after that mess my mom, sister and two of her hottest friends come home to find me in the kitchen like that ( by this time I'm all sweaty now) My mom says I'm not even going to ask!, But she stress out the point to throw that cup away. While my sister and her two hot friends looking at me like what the heck is going on. And ever since then, anytime I see them they call me hot pepper. That is probably one of my worst moments of life.

    Now you know not to itch your dick while chopping up a jalapeρo pepper. And yes this actually happened.... "

    ___________

    What's funnier is I met this guy a few times at track days so I can actually picture the facial expressions and all that. He won that most embarrassing moment thread contest for what it's worth lol.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Mount Airy, MD
    Posts
    7,278
    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie1KRR View Post
    OUCH!
    I read a similar story on another forum with a guy who was chopping hot peppers and had an itch....It ended in him with his manhood in a glass of cold water and his sister and her friend walking in finding him that way. I gotta go look for that now to try and ccp it in here lol.
    Did the same thing here with some haberno extra flipping hot peppers that I grew a few years back...

    Talk about pain, that's the worst ever !

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Athens, GA.
    Posts
    143
    Wow, I love a good laugh. Thanks for sharing. Reminds me of the time I was going to eradicate a yellow jacket nest from under my deck. I go under with a a can of gas. Before I can get to them they start to attack and I go running out from under the deck and spill gas all over my junk. I soaked in a cold tub for hours. It was the only thing that brought relief.

    JASON sent this from his DUMB-PHONE

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Posts
    6,855
    use a piece of pipe as a persuader next time..not a B buster
    "when in doubt...jump it out" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Px5YcOeQB4I

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    Chicago, IL
    Posts
    4,193
    Quote Originally Posted by corny View Post

    Nothing has swelled up or anything......no bruising that I can see...... pains gone.......

    But man..... it hurt baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad dddddddddddddddddddddd when it happened.
    ask your wife to give it a massage. might help it feel better

    of course it also might lead to swelling

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    SW MO.
    Posts
    5,060
    Hate to admit this. I have scorisis, let's just say, taint where it should be.
    Anyway, before I knew what it was I went to the store and bought anti itch cream. Blue Star. Well apparently I scratched it raw before trying Blue Star.
    Let's just say I have never touched myself after handling peppers, but this was worse. Trust me.

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