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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    30

    Wink

    You are not likely to see this information on the American Heart Association website anytime soon!
    > Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
    > life. Is this true?
    > A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and
    > that's it . . . don't waste them on exercise.
    > Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
    > heart will not make you live longer; that's like
    > saying you can extend the life of your car by driving
    > it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
    > Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and
    > vegetables?
    > A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a
    > cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
    > So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism
    > of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
    > Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
    > (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you
    > 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable
    > slop.
    > Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
    > A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and
    > vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide
    > everything in the world into three categories: animal,
    > mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine
    > are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table
    > of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My
    > advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid
    > vegetables.
    > Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
    > A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat,
    > your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your
    > ratio is two to one, etc.
    > Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in
    > a regular exercise program?
    > A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy
    > is: No Pain - Good.
    > Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?
    > A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual statement and
    > peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress
    > yourself to death in record time.
    > Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    > A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in
    > vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How
    > could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
    > Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
    > A: Thicker gravy.
    > Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little
    > soft around the middle?
    > A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets
    > bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a
    > bigger stomach.
    > Q. Is chocolate bad for me?
    > A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans... Another vegetable.
    > It's the best feel good food around!
    >
    > I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may
    > have had about food and diets. Have a cookie... flour
    > is a veggie!
    > "When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of
    > tequila and salt."

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Eastern PA
    Posts
    68,981
    This fits me to a tee, right down to the tequila. My girlfriend is going to hate you when I show her this.
    Government is a disease...
    ...masquerading as its own cure…
    Ecclesiastes 10:2 NIV


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