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  1. #14
    True enough,.. but, are you speaking from experience? their are actually things outside of your experience that are not steriotypical. You are fortunate that you can go to a bar and drink some beers and act magnanomous and walk away and continue on with your life with no consequenses, good for you.

    I am normal enough for most of the time and its because I have "maned up",. It is like enouring some pain for a short term, most people expeience pain once in a while while others experience pain with just some brief lapses with out pain, what I seek is something to cope other than narcotics.

    I want to live, I want to see what my girls look like as adults, I want to share in there acomplishments and be there for their failures. I want to be happy until then and unlike others that are "normal" I have a tendaency to Fuc# everything up around me. You are lucky that you and I were'ntinvolved in erlier life because friends of mine have been lucky to live through it.


  2. #15
    Originally posted by boduke
    You know they have a new program that actually monitors the brain. What it does is, monitors parts of the brain for changes in siritonin levels and 100 other areas. It just came out these past few years, its very expensive, but its like a last resort for bio-chemicaly and severe bio-polar disorders. Have you ever been offeredd this type of tratment? I could ask the medical staff here at the university, if you want more info. Do you ever experiance mania? Like manic depression? From what you say, it sounds like chemical disorder. You might be eligiable for a certain kind of treatment.

    [Edited by boduke on 07-04-2006 at 03:12 PM]
    Yes I have mania and depression. I am bipolar type one variant. I am on meds to control it and control my endocryn system too. My problem being that the drugs are hard on my liver and causing it to spew out some ensym that it shouldnt. I don't want to be on the liver donars list when I'm 40 or so.

    I experience mania, like I will take a series of happenings and derive some senerio from it, to the point that I get paranoid at times thinking people are plotting things against me. I also get mania to the point that its hard to concentrate, like so much crazy shi! goes through my mind that I get confused, dissorientated. I also see stuff and feel that I can do the same things, or that its normal to do them, like speeding down the highway like I'm in some car chase and the like. I have enough control to keep a job and convince people that I am normal. I am alway looking for help to make my life esier ya know.

    I take trileptal and it enables me to control my impulses, but in a half dose. If I take too much I get stupid, slow, not with it, spacy mind numb. I wish there was a medication that would take the feeling of lust for impulsive behavior from me with out numbing my mind. I used to be able to trouble shoot a piece of equipment like a mad man, jumping out stuff, rewiring stuff, running stuff through my head like a maniac. Now I am slow, forgetfull, struggling to think while I do it. I forget often where I'm going or what I'm doing and sometimes I have flashes where I am completely lost, not knowing where I am or how to go. Like flashes of abnesia almost.

  3. #16
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    12,077
    John,

    let me understand. Okay. In my mind, I see what you write and explain all these things you got going on in youy mind, but you don't have control over it? It souns hypercondriac like to me. I mean you are explaining to the enth degree whats taking place, so your fully consious and aware and such.

    If your so aware of your tirades, how is it you can not identify the reasons in your mind to logically deal with them. This is why I have trouble understanding people like you. In one way I think it's an excuse to be an idiot, in another way, I think it's something you can not control. I am suspect of all of it.

    If I get ticked off about something, (known to have a bad temper), I know I am mad, I know I am yelling, and I also know it's due to a lack of discipline at that moment to calmly let it all come out a little softer. But that is no medical thing. It's my lack of being a responsible mature adult. So. The following time I am about to get angry, I now know, it is a time to conciously calm down, and let it come out like a responisble accountable for my actions adult.

  4. #17
    Originally posted by Dowadudda
    John,

    let me understand. Okay. In my mind, I see what you write and explain all these things you got going on in youy mind, but you don't have control over it?
    I do to an extent and that extent is undetermined and fluxtuates from time to time for no explainable reson

    it souns hypercondriac like to me.
    A hypocondriac think things are wrong with them that are clinically not, I on the other hand have clinical proof that there are things awry and those clinics do not have a firm grasp on what to do about it


    I mean you are explaining to the enth degree whats taking place, so your fully consious and aware and such.
    I am fully consious and not consious about sertain things. Like I could consiously see my self loose empathy for my wife and for other people, I was consiously feeling my physical pain, I was consiously witnessing time change, vision change, physical tactal feeling change. I wasnt consious of depression setting in, paranoia and mania, thoughts of doing harm to others for plesure and so on.

    If your so aware of your tirades, how is it you can not identify the reasons in your mind to logically deal with them. This is why I have trouble understanding people like you. it's hard to explain and it involves one's perception of whats real. I can drive down the highway at 90+ mh and weave in and out of cars with the calmness of sitting on the couch drinking coffee because it looks through my eyes as normal driving, the only thing that tells me its not is when I look at the gauges. I can see things in what goes on around me that apparently no one else does, that make me beleiv, truly beleive that there is a conspiracy to do me harm. At my worst I beleived that I had super powers and that I could not die and so I would do things that were quite dangerous to me and everyone around me. I would do things that involved drugs, guns, cars, motorcycles, like I was James bond or something.

    In one way I think it's an excuse to be an idiot, in another way, I think it's something you can not control. I am suspect of all of it. Well, I too was suspect of it when my mother told me that my cousin Brian was diagnosed bipolar and then my aunt until I was shown why I did the things I did and do. Its a big world out there and we were not put on this Earth to "get it".

    If I get ticked off about something, (known to have a bad temper), I know I am mad, I know I am yelling, and I also know it's due to a lack of discipline at that moment to calmly let it all come out a little softer. But that is no medical thing. It's my lack of being a responsible mature adult. So. The following time I am about to get angry, I now know, it is a time to conciously calm down, and let it come out like a responisble accountable for my actions adult. Very good, this is called cognative behavior control and I have had some therapy. Now when you get angry at someone, have you ever planed to kill them? Have you ever taken steps to do harm to that person years after? When you got angry in that moment did you ever black out and not remember what you said or did? When that person got you angry did you think that it was this person and their whole family that was out to get you? Have you ever walked through a mall and thought that every person walking by you was an enimy and that you felt as though you might break out in a fight with them at any time? have you ever felt as though you were being controled by another inteligence?

  5. #18
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    333
    John, it sounds like you're aware of your condition. Also sounds like you're doing something about it with both meds and therapy. Can't think it is easy addressing such a problem. Most of us don't understand, even when its diagnosed in a family member. Broken bones, diabetes, cancer....sure we feel empathy, but with mental illness there is a stigma. Several of my relatives have varying degrees of depression.
    meanwhile, back at the ranch.....

  6. #19
    what i need is a support group,...

  7. #20
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    S.W. Ontario,Canada
    Posts
    622
    Originally posted by John(Chicago)
    what i need is a support group,...
    John....
    I work in a shop with different trades and we have a co-worker that has the same traits as you have stated. Try as I might I can't seem to understand where he's going most of the time. This has me interested to learn most about his problem(s).

    Good luck, John
    If every a...... could do this,I wouldn't have a job...

  8. #21

    Question

    Originally posted by westemp
    Originally posted by John(Chicago)
    what i need is a support group,...
    John....
    I work in a shop with different trades and we have a co-worker that has the same traits as you have stated. Try as I might I can't seem to understand where he's going most of the time. This has me interested to learn most about his problem(s).

    Good luck, John
    Curious,.. what is it to you? Are you close friends with this coworker? The only support,interest,concern,or anything else I have ever gotten was from my immediate blood relitives and my doctors that are responsible for me. So, why do you care about this guy? OH, before I go on so as not to offend, I have had some support from friends that I have made here.

    Just out of more curiocity, what traits does this guy have that are similar to mine? Don't worry about offending me, I am far beyond affending.

  9. #22
    John's results on the BORRTI suggested a profound disconnection and emptiness in
    relationships, deep fears of abandonment, engulfment and exploitation, powerfull unmet
    dependency yearnings, and a bitter and antagonistic attitude toward. others. His proIDe is
    consistent with mixed personality disorder with antisocial, borderline, :Q.arctssistic or
    dependent features. In addition, he may exhibit severe distortions in reality, substance
    abuse, paranoid and depressive beliefs, dissociative experiences, or transient breaks with
    reality. He may experience intense ambivalence and confusion about his own feelings and
    the feelings of others, as well as fears of personality disintegration.
    John's responses on the MCMI-III suggested a tendency to magnify illness, an inclination
    to complain, or feelings of extreme vulnerability associated with a current episode of acute
    turmoil. He appears to be experiencing bipolar disorder, adjustment disorder with anxiety,
    as well as borderline personality disorder characterized by passive-aggressiveness,
    antisocial traits and depressive traits. He may have a history of substance abuse and the
    experience of trauma. John appears to have unsatisfactory coping strategies and a
    precarious sense of psychic coherence. Although he is usually able to function on a
    satisfactory basis, he may experience periods of marked emotional, cognitive or behavioral
    dysfunction. He is often moody, irritable and pessimistic. He seems often to be disappointed
    in interpersonal relationships. Because he expects to be disillusioned with others, he often
    behaves obstructively, thereby creating the expected disappointment and further justifying
    his anticipation of being misunderstood and unappreciated.

    So, according to my psycological evaluation I should just "man up" huh. I am screwed.

  10. #23
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    12,077
    it says in that report you bring it on yourself.

  11. #24
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Eastern PA
    Posts
    68,852
    I'll stick with the drugs and I think Johnny should also

    For crying out loud; if these medications are made for anyone, they are made for Johnny. I mean; this is a case of severe medical proceedures creating after effects. What Johnny had been through was killing people just a few years ago.

    Me? I just like the drugs, and my insurance pays for them.
    Government is a disease...
    ...masquerading as its own cure
    Ecclesiastes 10:2 NIV


  12. #25
    Originally posted by Dowadudda
    it says in that report you bring it on yourself.
    Yes, I want to have profound disconnection and emptiness in
    relationships, deep fears of abandonment, engulfment and exploitation, powerfull unmet dependency yearnings, and a bitter and antagonistic attitude toward others,mixed personality disorder with antisocial,borderline,Narctssistic or
    dependent features. In addition, exhibit severe distortons in reality, substance
    abuse, paranoid and depressive beliefs, dissociative experiences, or transient breaks with
    reality. Experience intense ambivalence and confusion about his own feelings and
    the feelings of others, as well as fears of personality disintegration, feelings of extreme vulnerability associated with a current episode of acute
    turmoil. Have bipolar disorder, adjustment disorder with anxiety,as well as borderline personality disorder characterized by passive-aggressiveness,
    antisocial traits and depressive traits. Have a history of substance abuse and the
    experience of trauma. Have unsatisfactory coping strategies (man up) and a
    precarious sense of psychic coherence, experience periods of marked emotional, cognitive or behavioral
    dysfunction. Be often moody, irritable and pessimistic. Be often to be disappointed
    in interpersonal relationships. Because he expects to be disillusioned with others, he often
    behaves obstructively, thereby creating the expected disappointment and further justifying
    his anticipation of being misunderstood and unappreciated.

    I know I have a tendency to magnify illness, an inclination
    to complain about my history of substance abuse and the
    experience of trauma, but who is the judge of whats bad or not so bad. I know, the 3 D's. On a scale of 1-10 how bad is your pain? Anything over 5 equals 1 on the three D's scale.


  13. #26
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    153
    Im sorry for the late reply -- I understand what Dowadudda is saying I really do. But it really sounds like to me, that John has a chemical neurological disorder, and its not Psychological. He cannot control what his brain produces, or how he feels. I think that psychiatry and what not isnt the answer at all. He needs extensive medical help. I highly suggest a neurologist. Chemical disorders are very serious, and much more than a psychological problem. From what John describes, its not a personality or psychological problem, its a body chemistry and neurological imbalance. From what he says at least?

    So when you say to man up. It impossible for him to do; because he doesnt have the capability or the structure to do such things. Its not John; its his brain not delivering the message to his receptors, which is why, he is most likely he is experiencing the mania and what not. People with psychological disorders do NOT have mania what-so ever. Im very serious to. This is why extensive treatment is important, so we know what exactly is going on. John, please go see a two or three different neurologist for different opinions. You might have a severe Bi-polar disorder; which does explain your mania. (Mania, only comes from altering the mollecular structure of the brain, the part that delivers the appropriate chemicals to our receptors) (Which is why, meth and crack additcs experiance it also.) And if you are taking the wrong medication it can later give you extreme seizers that come along with the manic attacks.

    I hope I have given some incite to you.

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