Damn Robo, sorry I missed this. Do not feel you are alone in your behavior, I too deal with this the same as you, but with out your faith. I had a coworker who I had become friends with, he ended up in much the same situation I am in now with my marriage. He committed suicide one day, my felings were anger and then avoidence. I avoided his funeral and his subject like a dog that crapped in the living room. I know this is wrong but I can't help my own behavior. The right thing to do is transend your personal conflics to share the pain of the person you are attached to that is dieing. think of it as an insignificant sacrifice compared to what the person is going through. I feel that it is neccesary even if things dont turn out well and you are permanently scared from it, its nothing compared to death though. What doesnt kill us makes us stronger, right.
you and I went round and round in the ARP forum a few months back but I haven't been around here much of late. My mother passed away at 58 January of this year. My brothers and sisters, who normally can't all be in the same room without a fistfight breaking out, manager to set our differences aside and be there for her in her final days. I think that it made it at least a little easier for her, helped her to be at peace with herself at the end. It is difficult to watch someone you care for suffer like that. A few days before her passing, an old friend of mine lost his lady to a brain tumor, she was diagnosed in the summer and given 6 months, and she lasted almost six months to the day. Two months ago I lost my wife to an unexpected brief illness. By the time we realised she was sick until she was gone was about 4 hours. my friend and I recently discussed which way was harder, the months going bye, watching someone you love so much waste away and die, or the sudden loss that punches you in the face and knocks you flat on your back in one shot. Neither way is better, but we agreed on one thing. He was thankful he had six months to spend with her and say good-bye. I was thankful I was able to be by my wife's side ansd kiss her cheek and tell her i loved her. 2006 has been a facked up year so far. I was never a man of much faith, but what I did have has been shaken. I know their suffering and passing will be very difficult for you to experience, and you will feel overwhelming grief at times. Don't throw any more guilt on top of that. You can't change anything that happened in the past, but your future is up to you. As to how to go on after all this, I'll be damned if I know. But I'm sure there are people counting on you. People still here who need you. Hell, I know if I didn't have two children I'd be dead myself or at least in the bottom of a bottle somewhere. None of this crap makes any sense and, for the most part, life just sucks. Just do the best you can with what you got, and make the best of it.
Hey Robin, I just saw this thread. I really don't have any words of wisdom for you, but I am saddened to hear of your sister's condition and the difficulties your family is facing. You have a strong character and a strong faith, I know you will handle the situation as well as anyone can.
I do believe, as others have said, that the great difficulties you and your sister have had are now just trivial anecdotes. I am glad you have such a strong faith, it will help you and your family now.
Dad died in 2001 from non-hodgkin's lymphoma. I remember, that I was going to ask him one day "If he was going to die soon?", but didn't. I think deep down, I wanted to ask for advice.
The circumstances surrounding his treatment and subsequent coma/death was an administrative mess. We had the opportunity to keep him breathing for a few days so that a religious family member could be present. When his respirator was removed he died within 5 minutes of being in our presence.
Mom and I had to meet with the administrators of two DE hospitals to finally let go. We did see positive changes implemented at the hospitals. It's been hard taking care of mom with her and my health problems, but I "Never had the opportunity to say goodbye to dad". I suggest that you take that opportunity with your sister.
In other family deaths, I knew when it happened and wanted to remember them as they were. Other deaths, just seem to be a fact of life.
Got an update today. My sister was supposed to be released from the hospital Thursday and I figured on going to see her once she was settled in at home. I have a real aversion to hospitals, not that anyone likes being in them but they just weird me out.
Anyway; the doctors cannot stabilize her enough to allow her to leave and are now stating she may never be able to go home. I am going to visit her this week and think I will take my mom to see her daughter again. My dad is accepting that he will never get to see his daughter again. My dad has seen things that I could not even imagine in places all over the world, so he is more realistic about death then I am. Still, he is not able to hide his sorrow.
I could not ask for a better support group then what I have encountered on this thread. I doubt that you guys (and gals ) will understand just how much this does mean to me. Talking to family is too close to the issue and it is not something that is good to mention too much at work, so you guys are really the best that I can lean on. Thanks to all.
Originally posted by RoBoTeq Talking to family is too close to the issue and it is not something that is good to mention too much at work, so you guys are really the best that I can lean on. Thanks to all.