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Thread: Bummer stuff

  1. #27
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Arkansas
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    2,111
    My condolences, Robo. In Jan 3, 2000, my mother was diagnosed with stomach cancer. I stayed with her in the hospital some nights. It was the toughest thing I ever went through. On May25 ,2000 she passed away. It liked to have killed me. She had raised me and my sister since our Dad had died at 40 yrs old in 1955.
    Then on July 4, 2001, my stepdad died suddenly. He and mother married when I was 18. That didn't bother me too much since we didn't have much of a father-son relationship.
    In April 10 last year my sister died suddenly of a heart attack. She had been living in mothers home but had just moved into a nursing facility. She and I did not have a good relationship but since I was the only one left, I started taking care of her. At first I didn't want to but duty called. Now I wish I had done more, but I think that is normal. I miss her as much as my mother now. That is all my family that I grew up with.
    There is no good way to deal with this. What ever you do now will not be enough down the road, that is human nature.
    Just do what you can, knowing in you heart that it is all you can.
    It will help them just knowing that you are there and that you love them.
    "FIGHT CRIME: SHOOT BACK"

  2. #28
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Posts
    11,808
    Sorry to hear of your situation Robin. You did the right thing by calling your sister.

  3. #29
    Sorry about all that Robin, draw strength from your family and accept the facts of life. Every day on earth is one day away from some sort of tragedy. I'm sure you will handle it well. Good luck my friend.
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  4. #30
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Lyndhurst, Ohio, United States
    Posts
    1,622
    Robo -- It is always so tough to deal with death issues. I lost my father and my grandfather when I was 13. Both died suddenly and I never had the chance to say goodbye. That really rips you up inside.

    My wife's mother passed 4 years ago of pancreatic cancer. That was a slow, lingering, and painful way to go and my wife probably suffered as much as her mother. I was very close to my mother-in-law and am pleased to say that I spent a lot of time with her up until the end. I don't know if it helped her (I like to think it did) but it did help my wife and me. I got the chance to tell her how I felt and to say goodbye.

    I think you're doing all the right things. Hang in there. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the rest of your family.

    Mike

    "Doubt, of whatever kind, can be ended by action alone."

    Thomas Carlyle, 1795-1881, Philosopher and Author


  5. #31
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Carolinas
    Posts
    50
    Robo, sorry to hear of your situation, but you are doing all the right things. You are able to have the time to tell your Dad how you feel. That is good for you and probably means more to him than you'll ever know. Even thought your weren't close to your sister, by you calling her will give her some comfort. Keep doing what you are doing, you're being strong and don't realize it. After the situation comes to it's conclusions, you'll realize you did all you could do and be a better man for it. Stay strong.

  6. #32
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Eastern PA
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    I am being humbled by the strenths of all of the posts here, and that is exactly what I need...thanks.

    My brother took my mom to see my sister in the hospital yesterday but I have not gotten up the courage to call anyone to find out how that went. I am working today so I will deal with that later when I can afford to be emotional.

    I know I need to get with my sister before she passes. I just don't know how to come off as hypocritical when I have avoided her all these years. I can't even imagine dealing with a sudden death.

    A good friend of mine lost his daughter to a drunk driver years ago. I went to the funeral and wake but found myself avoiding this man for years to come. I just couldn't be around someone with so much grief. Talk about feeling like a really crappy friend. We have been communicating in the past few years and I explained why I was such an ass, but it still does not excuse this character flaw that I need to get rid of right now.

    I really think the not being able to fix any of this is the biggest part of it. Feeling useless is a horrible thing.
    Government is a disease...
    ...masquerading as its own cure…
    Ecclesiastes 10:2 NIV


  7. #33
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Houston,Tx.
    Posts
    15,826
    Originally posted by RoBoTeq
    I know I need to get with my sister before she passes. I just don't know how to come off as hypocritical when I have avoided her all these years.
    Yes you do, We are all responsible for our own actions and also you will feel much better later down the line knowing you did go see her and who knows you might even inspire her and at this time she probably needs all the inspiration she can get. My Dad and I were never close and I never saw him to much so I had to tell him how much I Loved him in his casket as I cried my eyes out, but we were both to stubborn to make up and act right, but there was a lesson there to never wait on the other person to come to you, I just go to them and if they still act like a horses butt, I still feel better just knowing I tried my best to make up with then.
    __________________________________________________ _______________________
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  8. #34
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Lyndhurst, Ohio, United States
    Posts
    1,622
    Originally posted by RoBoTeq
    I am being humbled by the strenths of all of the posts here, and that is exactly what I need...thanks.

    My brother took my mom to see my sister in the hospital yesterday but I have not gotten up the courage to call anyone to find out how that went. I am working today so I will deal with that later when I can afford to be emotional.

    I know I need to get with my sister before she passes. I just don't know how to come off as hypocritical when I have avoided her all these years. I can't even imagine dealing with a sudden death.

    A good friend of mine lost his daughter to a drunk driver years ago. I went to the funeral and wake but found myself avoiding this man for years to come. I just couldn't be around someone with so much grief. Talk about feeling like a really crappy friend. We have been communicating in the past few years and I explained why I was such an ass, but it still does not excuse this character flaw that I need to get rid of right now.

    I really think the not being able to fix any of this is the biggest part of it. Feeling useless is a horrible thing.



    Robo -- You're not useless. And no one here thinks you are. You've called your sister. That was absolutely the right thing to do.

    Now you should go visit her -- once she goes she's gone and I can tell that you don't want her to go without saying goodbye. The past is the past. I can tell you that she's not thinking about that right now. She's thinking about what lies ahead. You should too. Go see her.
    "Doubt, of whatever kind, can be ended by action alone."

    Thomas Carlyle, 1795-1881, Philosopher and Author


  9. #35
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Eastern PA
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    No doubt about it, I do need to visit with my sister. To not do so would make me even worse then I have been in the past and that is already difficult to live with.

    I really don't know where these adversions to dealing with these situations come from, but I have always avoided people grieving. Having posted here was just what I needed to get my butt in gear and do the right things.

    Seriously though; I really don't want anyone to have to go through these feelings over me when my time comes. I guess I have no control over that either.
    Government is a disease...
    ...masquerading as its own cure…
    Ecclesiastes 10:2 NIV


  10. #36
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Lancaster PA
    Posts
    67,712
    Sorry to hear about you families health.

    Make as much time for them as you can.
    You will always be glad you did, and so will they.

    I was at work when my father passed away in 85, I was viviting him the night before.
    I was at work when my mother passed away in 03, I didn't make it in to see her for the 2 days before, no way to right something like that.
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  11. #37
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    962
    I think in a way you are very fortunate that you have the opportunity to prepare and to let them know how you feel. Many people don't get that chance. Good Luck.

  12. #38
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    12,077
    It's those difficult parts of life that build charachter, personal strength, morals, values.

    Don't find yourself NOT being courageous. I beleive you'd be more lonely and less fullfilled in your life going forward not being with courage.


  13. #39
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Eastern PA
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    68,923
    Talked to my brother. He said that my mom took seeing my sister as well as could be expected. That may be the last time my mom ever sees her daughter because of the distance between them.

    I suppose the best thing to do would be to arrange taking my mom back to Delaware when my sister gets out of the hospital.

    My dad is not in good enough shape to travel that far, so I guess he will never see his daughter again.

    My brother says my sister is really being a trooper about keeping up a brave front so as to not upset my mom so much. That is a major observation on my brothers part since he has been even more distant from my sister then I have.

    With her being the youngest of the four siblings, and the only blood related child of my dad, this just doesn't seem right. I need to stop trying to understand and learn to accept.
    Government is a disease...
    ...masquerading as its own cure…
    Ecclesiastes 10:2 NIV


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