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Thread: Bummer stuff

  1. #14
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Eastern PA
    Posts
    68,981
    I really appreciate the supportive posts. I guess I am leaning on you guys because I have not behaved well in the past such as when my grandparents died.

    I did recently handle the passing of an old friend who died at 81 years old, so I guess I'm getting better at not avoiding these situations as I get older. To me, this is by far my biggest fault in life. That I am so afraid to deal with death I avoid comforting those who are dying is just an atrocious act of self serving preservation to me and I hate being this way.

    Again; hearing what you guys have to say and your own experiences really does help.
    Government is a disease...
    ...masquerading as its own cure…
    Ecclesiastes 10:2 NIV


  2. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    san jose,ca.
    Posts
    5,285
    I know what your going through ,robo,I went through a whole family dying of cancer, even a 29 year old sister.Keep your head up & take care, we`ll be thinking of you through these hard times.

  3. #16
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Raleigh,NC.
    Posts
    357
    old fellow in a supply house one day telling the story of how he developed heart problems ,had a 3-bypass, go to doctor once a week to make sure the five different meds he's taking are keeping everything in check & balance and then said , one thing i've figured out after all of this and paused and then said , you aint going to get out of this world alive! sorry if the seemed bad timing to some . i went through many family member's deaths but the worst was 7 mos. of cancer with my mother.four boys, i organized 24 shifts for each at hospital with her.toughest thing that you will ever do but take solice in the fact that you ,like me , might not have been the best son that we could have been,(none of us are because we think they will live forever and we have plenty of time)but in thier eyes they are pruod of you and the good man you have become. in about a year, you will not stop your sentence when you speak of them and not long after that you'll be telling those old stories of memories that are yours alone. may god bless you and yours.hold family near and dear because when we are gone, they will define who we were.
    remember, with electronics; when its brown,its cooking and when its black, its done!!!

  4. #17
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    manitowoc wisconsin
    Posts
    4,943
    My dad passed on new years day this year.He was my best friend.I will never be the same IMO.All I can offer is a prayer.
    Take your time & do it right!

  5. #18
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Dixie
    Posts
    1,344
    hang in there Robo....tell them you love them

  6. #19
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    358
    My Dad is also unrelated to me, but is the best Dad I think a person could have.

    Many of us get into this field because we like fixing things. When we come up against something we can't fix, we just keep at it until we can.
    Dying is not something we can fix, and it can make us feel very uncomfortable, helpless and small...and we absolutely hate feeling that way!

    Here's how I deal with it.
    Some people have a good death, surrounded by loving family and friends, they die content in their life and secure in their faith. One of the worst I know of was a friend's mom, dying of a cancer she'd fought for 25 years. Her philandering husband had totally wigged out & was chasing their daughter around the hospice with a gun.

    So the one thing I CAN do is try to help that person have a good death. Sometimes that just means spending time, and listening. Sometimes, rehashing old hurts and hopefully resolving some.
    Years in public safety taught me that there are a lot of things I can't control. And the outcome may not be what I want. But I can sleep at night knowing I did the best I was able to at the time.

    It will be an emotional rollercoaster ride, and it won't be easy.
    But you can do it, and your faith will help.
    And a lot of folks here will be boosting you with thoughts and prayer.
    Keep us posted on how you are doing.

  7. #20
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Eastern PA
    Posts
    68,981
    I hope this doesn't come off as being morbid or a "misery loves company" sort of an attitude, but it really helps to read the posts that have been written here about others dealing with the death of family and friends.

    I am usually not one to flaunt my failings, but I really need to get over my adversion to dealing with death so I can be somewhat beneficial to my family and friends. Again; your posts are greatly appreciated and very helpful to me at this time.

    Over the years I have tried to prepare myself for the demise of my parents, who naturally we figure will die before we do. What took me by surprise was my sister. I guess I just figured I would die before any of my siblings and would never have to deal with their deaths. Being wrong just sucks.
    Government is a disease...
    ...masquerading as its own cure…
    Ecclesiastes 10:2 NIV


  8. #21
    Join Date
    Jan 2001
    Location
    Pacific Coast of Canada
    Posts
    4,008
    My mom and dad are both in their early 80's and doing fairly well, but I know the day will come when I must deal with the issue of death. It's one of the few things that I actually fear.
    I'm sorry you have to go through this all at once Robin.
    Trust me, I know what I'm doing.

  9. #22
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    SE Michigan
    Posts
    18,218
    Robo, Sorry to hear about these tragic family issues. The humen body is nothing but a shell. Your loved ones spirits will live on. The body may break down, but the spirit never dies. Its the finality that hurts the worst.

    Best wishes in this matter.

    -Ed
    To put the world in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must cultivate our personal life; and to cultivate our personal life, we must first set our hearts right.
    -- Confucius

  10. #23
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Eastern PA
    Posts
    68,981
    Originally posted by coolwhip
    Robo, Sorry to hear about these tragic family issues. The humen body is nothing but a shell. Your loved ones spirits will live on. The body may break down, but the spirit never dies. Its the finality that hurts the worst.

    Best wishes in this matter.

    -Ed
    So, we very much agree on what really matters

    Thanks. This is how I feel. I just wish I could better practice what I preach.
    Government is a disease...
    ...masquerading as its own cure…
    Ecclesiastes 10:2 NIV


  11. #24
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Missouri
    Posts
    343
    Sorry to hear that.

    Make sure you do spend time with them. My dad died at a young age and I would,ve done anything just to be able to sit with him and be by his side.

    You take care, and be there for them that's all they want even if they don't say it.

  12. #25
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Kansas City
    Posts
    2,729
    Sorry Robo, I'm recovering from a bad accident 6 months ago, but I feel lucky. My younger sister is in a nursing home with terminal cancer, she's been bedridden for 6 months and has a couple of weeks left. My step mom was just diagnosed with lung cancer. Its really taken a toll on my 80 year old dad.
    No good or right way to deal with illness or death, just being there is all that counts.

  13. #26
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Ft Worth Tx ( North Richland Hills)
    Posts
    2,143
    You're in a tough situation .... and while what's coming will be difficult to deal with, at least you know what's coming... you have time to say the things that need to be said to your Dad and Sister.

    There's two types of deaths that we have to deal with. Those that die from sickness and those that pass unexpectedly in an accident, fire, murder or heart attack.
    You have time to make things right with your sister.
    My sister died in a house fire along with four of her children. I didn't know there wouldn't be anymore tomorrows with them.

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