The Minnesota Tourism Department
This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the state.
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy you are snickering at did more work
before breakfast than you will do all week at the gym. How'd you like to
go home and tell your momma you got your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?
2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four wheel drive because I need it.
Now drive or get it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we
saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get
your butt kicked...by our women.
5. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final
approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at
7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare.
Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
8. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes unsweetened in a glass with two
packets of sugar and a long spoon.
9. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
10. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have
quarter-million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
11. Let's get this straight. We may have one stoplight in town. We stop when
it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks-because they want to. So,
you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
13. Yeah, we eat catfish, Northern, walleye and turtle too. If you
really want sushi and caviar, it's available at the bait shop.
14. They are pigs and cows. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't
like it? Interstate 90 & Interstate 94 go two ways....Interstate 35 goes south.
.....get on one of them.
15. The "Opener" refers to the first days of fishing and deer season.
They are religious holidays. You can get breakfast at the church.
16. So what if every person in every pick-up waves? It's called being
friendly. Understand the concept?
17. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It
spooks the fish.