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yeah, that's what I was thinking.

The stranger part is that this house has a 2nd floor addition,
and upstairs, the vents are low to the ground.
Now it seems to me that it's all reversed.
Cause...

They share the wall, but on different sides of a stud,
so they meet up at the "main line" of the return duct in the
crawlspace. The question was more directed at the fact that
the return is...

So wifey wants to replace our "ugly" metal return air duct grate with a "fancy" carved wooden one.
Fair enough.
So I'm looking at it.

The return grate is situated about a foot below the ceiling,...

The picture of the firewood was taken in the dark because it's his neighbors yard.

As a HO I don't have any complaints about what is expected of me.
Dogs especially (I wouldn't walk into that house either)
And yes, calling several HVAC companies,
and hiring the first one that...