Dummies Among Us

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months,
saying he lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million
severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking ntelligence?

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours
attempting to subdue a
gunman
who had barricaded himself inside his home. After
firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was
standing beside them in
the
police line, shouting, "Please come out and give
yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B?

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a
motorist and
forced
him to drive to two different automated teller
machines, wherein the
kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money...from his own
bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY!

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and
asked for all the
money in
the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small,
so he tied up the
store clerk and worked the counter himself for three
hours until police
showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT???

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
suspect who just
couldn't
control himself during a lineup. When detectives
asked each man in the
lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or
I'll shoot," the
man
shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?

A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is
pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this
her first child?"
the
doctor asked. "No!", the man shouted, "This is her
husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!

In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was
arrested for trying to
hold
up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King
used a thumb and a
finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed
to keep his hand
in
his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)

8. THE GRAND FINALE

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the
high desert, an hour
east
of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to
boating, were having a
problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't
get their brand
new
22 ft. Bayliner to perform. It was very sluggish in
almost every
maneuver,
no matter how much power was applied. After about an
hour of trying to
make
it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking
someone there could
tell
them
what was wrong.

A thorough topside check revealed everything in
perfect working
condition.
The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down,
the prop was the
correct
size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in
the water to
check
underneath. He came up choking
on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER, THIS
IS TRUE!
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place...was
the trailer.