Reply to Thread

You are as handy as a pocket on a shirt.

You don't have to be a proctologist to recognize an a**hole.
The best part of him/her ran down his mothers leg.
His/her mother should have swallowed that.
He/she is a poster child for birth control.
My ex wife ran off with a cop and I thought he was trying to give her back, that's why I didn't stop officer.
Don't flip her ***** switch.
Better pissed off than pissed on, unless you are into that stuff.
Horny as a two peckered billy-goat.
Nothing is impossible it is only limited by the depth of your wallet.
If you think I'm an a**hole, you really should meet my boss.

dumber than a bag of hammers,hard as a brick bat,if a hairlips the pope (not sure what that one means though) tighter than Dicks hatband, a crooked as a dogs hindleg I'll think of more I'm sure

saw this in a rest room at an auto repair shop- here I sit broken hearted, sat down to s#)t but only farted!

on an old tombstone with the name "Jesse James" died in like 1890-
Remember friends as you pass by,
as you are now so once was I.
As I am now, soon you will be.
Prepare for death and follow me!

and of course-
What the eyes don't see,
The heart won't grieve!

Originally Posted by Wendo

Life is like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow. (I stole that from someone's tagline!!)

I've been to two goat ropings and a county fair and ain't seen one that good.

Originally Posted by evankoehn

its better to burp, and taste it, than to fart, and waste it.

Surely you remember, "Better to belch and bear the shame, than to squelch the belch and bear the pain!


Life is like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow. (I stole that from someone's tagline!!)

I needed a good laugh, and this thread is killing me!!!

its better to burp, and taste it, than to fart, and waste it.

"Turn your hat around, i wanna see you headed back." "That boy couldn't pour piss out of a boot with directions on the heel." "Can't never could, and was never did." "Accurate to a knats ass."

She walks like two bobcats in a burlap bag, but she ain't worth a pinch of coonshi+...

Some Aussie favorites

How you going - I'm flat out like a lizard drinking, off like the brides pants, You can only blow it up once

His breath smells like a bag full of french fried dragon *******s!

Your as worthless as tits on a boar hog.

The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead

Colder than a witches titty in a brass bra. Hotter than a 4balled Tom cat. Bright as a burnt out light blub

can't beat that with a limp d!ck.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

(she/he) so ugly, you could beat (her/him) with an ugly stick and no one would notice.

he's so tight he beats his money, like a pimp beats a whore, so it works harder.

shes so ugly you'd have to put a bag over your head, in case hers comes off.

if he had any brains he'd be dangerous.

do those dark roots mean you have brain damage (actually heard a kid ask a woman that, when i was strollin around in wally world one night. she got on to him for somethin, he shut her up with that retort.)

happier than a coon in a corn patch
sore as a risun

From a car salesman:
Deal of the day
Bring your money and your wife
And we'll dicker

Hornier than a 3 balled tom-cat.
Worthless as tits on a chicken.