More Lawyer jokes

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Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of lawyers on them... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
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How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only three.... The rest are true stories.
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How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
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What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your Honor.
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What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
Chelsea Clinton.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.
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What does a lawyer use for birth-control?
His personality.
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What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Removable wingtips.