How hard it is to deal with family death and still try and focus on HVAC!!

[Tommy1010]

My grammas on her last few minutes , days ???

86yrs old, massive stroke 2 days ago..led to collapsed lung today and possible life support ..which is against her will.

My grandfather and dad dies the first few days of march.

Grandpas bday..3 - 1
Dads Bday........3-6
My bday (tomorrow) 3 - 4

Gramps and dad died of heart attacks, gramps age 62, dad age 46.

Now ironically gramma gonna pass lookin like on MY bday...3 - 4

Im on a crane, I shut down the bay to work on the unit. Ssisters calln sayin they need me there.

Well as Im cryin I also realize that have an issue that i cant leave alone.

System is wide open, need to address it and fix it before I return 6800V to the hot rails and give crane power to run..if his ac aint right.

But WTF,,my head is in circles right now.

Me and my wife have issues cause I daont express myself enough.

Wel heres proof. I keep holdin back tears And outbursts of crying...cuz thats just me and it hurts I think.

[midhvac]

Tommy, sit down and let it all out. Can you go home?

[midhvac]

Just empty it all out until there's none left.

[Tommy1010]

Tommy, sit down and let it all out. Can you go home?
Only if I call in contractor to fix wut I started. It was my option to come in. And boss is the greatest so I toldem i wanted to be free tomorrow for this.

But wit all that developed I got myself in the middle of a puddle of crap.

I shoulda just took the day of tomorrow but I been putin in lots of OT for summer projects at home...

BUT BOTTOM LINE>>>> I can lift up a 150 lb compressor and have 10% body fat...

BUT STILL CANT DEAL WITH EMOTIONAL HURT AT ALL>....

[midhvac]

Only if I call in contractor to fix wut I started. It was my option to come in. And boss is the greatest so I toldem i wanted to be free tomorrow for this.

But wit all that developed I got myself in the middle of a puddle of crap.

I shoulda just took the day of tomorrow but I been putin in lots of OT for summer projects at home...

BUT BOTTOM LINE>>>> I can lift up a 150 lb compressor and have 10% body fat...

BUT STILL CANT DEAL WITH EMOTIONAL HURT AT ALL>....

I know exactly what you mean. Just take a break for a few minutes and get everything out of your system.

[Tommy1010]

Thank you MIDHVAC for the concern ..but I dont know how to control it.

I can walk and laugh and all of a sudden just stop and break the fk down.

IS THAT IMMATURE? Im 37 fkin yrs old man..I should be able to give my 7 yr old advice on this. NOT ASK FOR IT.

[midhvac]

Thank you MIDHVAC for the concern ..but I dont know how to control it.

I can walk and laugh and all of a sudden just stop and break the fk down.

IS THAT IMMATURE? Im 37 fkin yrs old man..I should be able to give my 7 yr old advice on this. NOT ASK FOR IT.

I think all that stuff just caught up to you at once. It happens to all of us sometimes, even me.

[midhvac]

Don't worry about controlling it right now. Just cry your eyes out.

[Tommy1010]

Not to get too deep...but grandma was the mother that I never had..then once I got old enuff..I stopped comin around. Not because I didnt want to, I just said Next week. OVER and OVER

This guilt is a bch...and I think thats the worst part!

No Gramz not being here is obviously.

[midhvac]

Not to get too deep...but grandma was the mother that I never had..then once I got old enuff..I stopped comin around. Not because I didnt want to, I just said Next week. OVER and OVER

This guilt is a bch...and I think thats the worst part!

No Gramz not being here is obviously.

How old is she?

[Roddy73]

Sounds like your being pretty manly to me, worrying about a job when your world is falling apart.

But if you must stay there and finish (I understand) just go somewhere safe when nature takes over and then get back at it.

The work can be theraputic too, just don't answer the phone.

[Twilly]

Twilly dealt with it with Twilly's Dad. Twilly says it hard, its painfull and you have many emotions, but life goes on and you realize its the cycle of life. Twilly thinks about Twilly's dad all the time and smiles and realizes Twilly's dad still lives in Twilly memories, that my friend is comforting. Best to you.

[midhvac]

Tommy, we're all here for you. Feel free to talk to us as long as you want.

[monkeyman#1]

This is a very difficult time for you Tommy. My advice to you is that safety comes first. Having said that, I have experienced a similar circumstance. Your mind is not completely focused ( at least mine wasn't). Your job will be there tommorrow, your mind will be clearer. Call your boss and explain the situation. Go be with your Grandma. :.02:

[midhvac]

This is a very difficult time for you Tommy. My advice to you is that safety comes first. Having said that, I have experienced a similar circumstance. Your mind is not completely focused ( at least mine wasn't). Your job will be there tommorrow, your mind will be clearer. Call your boss and explain the situation. Go be with your Grandma. :.02:

That's some really good advice. We know how much you care for her. It really shows.

[JimmyM]

Sounds like your being pretty manly to me, worrying about a job when your world is falling apart.

:ditto:

I think you're holding up pretty well. Go ahead and cry if you need to, keep talking with family and friends. Those of us here will support you as best we can. It's going to be tough for a few days but you are already showing that you have the strength to get through it.

[midhvac]

Are you still up there on the crane?

[Tommy1010]

Yep..she's 86 midhvac.

so that means for almost 1/3 of her life she took care of me.

And I also know how she was a stay at home wife forever and knows the value of hard work.. thats why I work non stop and get in trouble at home for being too hard on kids (that dont realize crap, just WANT and EXPECT)

But thats the reason that even though I could leave right away..if I got there she would say....DID YOU FINISH YOUR JOB?

OMG just thinkin that HURTS man......Thankx again.:censored:

[Tommy1010]

Are you still up there on the crane?

goin back up now...had it filled wit Nitro. going back to finish bout now. But I gotta small things to do so Ill be around for a minute.:gah:

[midhvac]

Yep..she's 86 midhvac.

so that means for almost 1/3 of her life she took care of me.

And I also know how she was a stay at home wife forever and knows the value of hard work.. thats why I work non stop and get in trouble at home for being too hard on kids (that dont realize crap, just WANT and EXPECT)

But thats the reason that even though I could leave right away..if I got there she would say....DID YOU FINISH YOUR JOB?

OMG just thinkin that HURTS man......Thankx again.:censored:

Don't worry about that stuff. Just focus on getting yourself back together. Sounds like you've earned the right to be a little selfish right now. Did you talk to your sister?

[jpsmith1cm]

That's some really good advice. We know how much you care for her. It really shows.

I agree.

Excellent advice if you don't want to join them prematurely. Take a little time off to gather yourself.

As someone already said, I find work therapeutic. I was at work when the word came in that my sister died. I sat in the van for 10 minutes, cried and then grabbed the tools and went back to it. I deal with grief in my own way and over time.

Men, as a rule, do not express emotions well. I tend to bottle things inside and I know that I'm not alone.

Remember that your wife is there, too. She can be a great comfort in tough times. I know that mine was for me when my dad died a few months back.

[Tommy1010]

Did you talk to your sister?
no not yet! Im waiting ...

[midhvac]

no not yet! Im waiting ...

Call your boss and tell him you need to be with your family.

[Tommy1010]

I agree.

Excellent advice if you don't want to join them prematurely. Take a little time off to gather yourself.

As someone already said, I find work therapeutic. I was at work when the word came in that my sister died. I sat in the van for 10 minutes, cried and then grabbed the tools and went back to it. I deal with grief in my own way and over time.

Men, as a rule, do not express emotions well. I tend to bottle things inside and I know that I'm not alone.

Remember that your wife is there, too. She can be a great comfort in tough times. I know that mine was for me when my dad died a few months back.
Ya know what JP..work is the BEAST of therapy. IMO. I dont care wut happens...it always helped me before.

But as far as men hide emotions.....mine all stems from having no - one to vent to growin up. So it turned into anger and madness.

Thats why gramma always said come over and eat suttin and watch TV. LOL

Im so fkin angry right now man. Maybe at myself..I dont know,.

[midhvac]

Tommy, I know what you mean about that anger growin up. This might sound funny, but I ain't jokin. My folks boarded me out with ARABS til I was 8!!!!!

[Chris_Worthington]

Ain't nothing wrong with a good cry even for a manly man, it happens and its good for you to let it out(.)

[Tommy1010]

Its amazing how a familiar trade site ESPECIALLY HVACTALK can put a bond between people.

We may talk crap about work we do on the job....but in times like this...

YOU GUYS ARE 100% certified.

[midhvac]

Ain't nothing wrong with a good cry even for a manly man, it happens and its good for you to let it out(.)

That's the absolute truth. Open them floodgates at let it go Tommy. We're here for you bro.

[midhvac]

Its amazing how a familiar trade site ESPECIALLY HVACTALK can put a bond between people.

We may talk crap about work we do on the job....but in times like this...

YOU GUYS ARE 100% certified.

That's exactly how it works. It's part of the deal, pal.

[midhvac]

You gettin into overtime?

[Tommy1010]

You gettin into overtime?

As far as the nite? NO....but I already got 10 OT hrs before today.

Weird how they work the hr in comparison to OT hrs. + icentive hrs.

I grosses so much last week that I got TAXED $800...WTF

[midhvac]

As far as the nite? NO....but I already got 10 OT hrs before today.

Weird how they work the hr in comparison to OT hrs. + icentive hrs.

I grosses so much last week that I got TAXED $800...WTF

Man, I'd settle for what you paid in TAXES. :D

[midhvac]

So what's goin on? Are you still there workin?

[Tommy1010]

Just spoke wit sister..and basically shes just waiting for the beep. I told her her grab a chair. If grandmas like me...she aint going nowhere easy. Her body may say no outta strength..but her mind, thoughts and feelings are my concern.

What if shes in pain and cant say it???

[midhvac]

Just spoke wit sister..and basically shes just waiting for the beep. I told her her grab a chair. If grandmas like me...she aint going nowhere easy. Her body may say no outta strength..but her mind, thoughts and feelings are my concern.

What if shes in pain and cant say it???

Tommy, I know Gramz will handle it after what you told us about her.

[Tommy1010]

Man, I'd settle for what you paid in TAXES. :D

Yeah but i would settle quicker for your expertiese in HVAC over my knowledge anyday. I guess in due time right? lol

[midhvac]

Yeah but i would settle quicker for your expertiese in HVAC over my knowledge anyday. I guess in due time right? lol

Tommy, you ain't seein this old man up on a crane with a big a$$ed compressor anytime real soon. I never SEEN that kinda voltage before.

[rojacman]

Thank you MIDHVAC for the concern ..but I dont know how to control it.

I can walk and laugh and all of a sudden just stop and break the fk down.

IS THAT IMMATURE? Im 37 fkin yrs old man..I should be able to give my 7 yr old advice on this. NOT ASK FOR IT.i'm so sorry for all your sorrow at the same time......you don't control it , it just will gradually wind down so you can function....when my oldest daughter called me screaming that she just found my beautiful 23 y o grandaughter dead , it was like a giant wrestler had me by the throat & i could not grasp that fact......for days i sat alone trying to write something to say at the wake with gallons of tears flowing down.....i do the same thing while driving and think of her suddenly & have to pull over 'till i get over it....one thing a wise family member showed me to help was to write her letters in her online book from the funeral home and just let it all hang out.....i tell her about just family stuff , her new niece , etc..it really helps a lot.....try it if you can..wish i had something else to help you with but as others have said just let it all hang out. Regards ,Jack and Rozolyn

[ga-hvac-tech]

Hey Tommy,

Good thread you started, it is good to share life with folks one can trust... helps us to release the feelings we have a hard time getting out. If I may, I suggest you ask the mods to place this thread in the Pro's Pub... a little more private there.

I grew up similar... in that I had a tuff time letting my emotions out. Problem is: if we keep them bottled... it is not good for us or for anyone around us. Better to find what is a 'safe place' for you (sister, friend, H-talk, whatever works...) and let go. The 'cleaning' within one's gut (their soul) is remarkable; and it allows one to relax enough to function.

As to the job: I agree with the others: I would call the boss and explain the issue, and ask if he can get someone in to relieve you for a few days. It is Thursday evening, I would ask off until Tues or Wed next week. There will be arrangements to plan and attend, and it is good to take a 'rest day' after it is all over to sort out one's feelings.

Tommy, you are a respected member of H-talk, we are all there for you! You will be in my prayers, as I am sure is the same for many other guys/gals here.

Please keep us informed as to how things go, and how you are holding up.

Cheers guy, we are all there for you!

[midhvac]

If you're 37 years old, that means you were one year old when I started doin HVAC. I guarantee you, you'll be way smarter than me before I did. Did I say that right?

[Tommy1010]

Tommy, you ain't seein this old man up on a crane with a big a$$ed compressor anytime real soon. I never SEEN that kinda voltage before.

Nah man..6800V is ONLY for the hot rails....the unit is basic 480V..
but the compressor YEAH is a real female dog to get up through a cubby hole and install.

But your still WAY more etched into this field than me so to me..your my daddytype figure right...lol

I have a volenteer helper here who went to school for HVAC.

When I wasnt here, other crane called. He grabbed some R22 and gauges FROM ELSEWHERE I GUESS..and goes up.

I gotta phone call and told him to drop everything dam thing...

thats an R124system and YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO CHARGE A FKIN BATTERY..never mind an AC system. LOL........ Im the man here.

i want that to be the case because i can handle everything....but I find myself on here wit you guys more times than any..so I aint really THAT much of THE MAN..I guess secretly I am.

[Tommy1010]

Hey Tommy,

Tommy, you are a respected member of H-talk, we are all there for you! You will be in my prayers, as I am sure is the same for many other guys/gals here.

Please keep us informed as to how things go, and how you are holding up.

Cheers guy, we are all there for you!
Wow GA....
I always was intimidated to argue wit you. LOL.. i appreciate that BIG TIME.

I'll keep you posted on updates,. and promise to always stay attentive to your words as ALWAYS. lol

By the way last time I put suttin personal in Pro forum....some jackoff complained bout it. Thats why i just figured put it here. If mods feel better to replace it....Than I agree with there move.

Thank you man.

[midhvac]

Nah man..6800V is ONLY for the hot rails....the unit is basic 480V..
but the compressor YEAH is a real female dog to get up through a cubby hole and install.

But your still WAY more etched into this field than me so to me..your my daddytype figure right...lol

I have a volenteer helper here who went to school for HVAC.

When I wasnt here, other crane called. He grabbed some R22 and gauges FROM ELSEWHERE I GUESS..and goes up.

I gotta phone call and told him to drop everything dam thing...

thats an R124system and YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO CHARGE A FKIN BATTERY..never mind an AC system. LOL........ Im the man here.

i want that to be the case because i can handle everything....but I find myself on here wit you guys more times than any..so I aint really THAT much of THE MAN..I guess secretly I am.

Here's how I look at it. Everybody here knows something I don't. Like you I'm here to learn. I prolly ask more questions than you, young man. Both for the same reason. We love learnin.

[midhvac]

You'd better go keep an eye on yer helper. Give a shout when yer done. :putergreet:

[Tommy1010]

You'd better go keep an eye on yer helper. Give a shout when yer done. :putergreet:
llmmaoooo....nah, He's not touchin a filter when Im here. He's a mechanic who spent a few months as a helper for my former boss when he was alone....as a laborer,. LOL

Im bout to dig in to a whole other systems leak issues right now.

Cranes up and runnin all good.

Forgot who said it..JP maybe..

work is therapy.......and doing what you love is a great release.

[ga-hvac-tech]

Wow GA....
I always was intimidated to argue wit you. LOL.. i appreciate that BIG TIME.

I'll keep you posted on updates,. and promise to always stay attentive to your words as ALWAYS. lol

By the way last time I put suttin personal in Pro forum....some jackoff complained bout it. Thats why i just figured put it here. If mods feel better to replace it....Than I agree with there move.

Thank you man.

You are welcome Tommy! IMO there are no guarantees in life... just support from friends when TSHTF...

As to being intimidated by me... I am sorry if I come across that way... it is not intended. I guess I wear a thick skin around here... years ago one had to have one to survive... especially if one hanged out at ARP... The old crowd was really TUFF... Kinda miss a few of those cusses... but they were sent on permanent vacation for good reason.

Hang in there guy; we are all with you in your time of need.

[midhvac]

llmmaoooo....nah, He's not touchin a filter when Im here. He's a mechanic who spent a few months as a helper for my former boss when he was alone....as a laborer,. LOL

Im bout to dig in to a whole other systems leak issues right now.

Cranes up and runnin all good.

Forgot who said it..JP maybe..

work is therapy.......and doing what you love is a great release.

AMEN, son.

[Tommy1010]

You are welcome Tommy! IMO there are no guarantees in life... just support from friends when TSHTF...

As to being intimidated by me... I am sorry if I come across that way... it is not intended. I guess I wear a thick skin around here... years ago one had to have one to survive... especially if one hanged out at ARP... The old crowd was really TUFF... Kinda miss a few of those cusses... but they were sent on permanent vacation for good reason.

Hang in there guy; we are all with you in your time of need.

Its not that you DID anything TO ME.....but just as a normal beginner...you got that edge just like MIDHVAC and my boy "Airmechanical" all made me realize who the people to GO TO or LISTEN too are.

You guys all have YEARS in the field...and I love and resprect every GDdam word you say. I soak it all i like a BONE DRY SPONGE..trust me.

[ga-hvac-tech]

Its not that you DID anything TO ME.....but just as a normal beginner...you got that edge just like MIDHVAC and my boy "Airmechanical" all made me realize who the people to GO TO or LISTEN too are.

You guys all have YEARS in the field...and I love and resprect every GDdam word you say. I soak it all i like a BONE DRY SPONGE..trust me.

Better to not put me up on that pedestal.. I tend to fall off at the wrong time.... :grin2:

Sounds to me as though you have a lot of your life together... I am glad for you! At your age, I was going through crises also... Got through it with the help of friends.

Life is not about what one can do, it is about how one handles things. It appears to me you have learned the lesson of reaching out and listening... this is IMO one of the BIGGEST things one can master!

Time to call it a night; I will keep an eye on this thread and keep you in prayers. God bless you my friend, and your family also!

GA

[Roddy73]

work is therapy.......and doing what you love is a great release.

I mentioned that because I'm staying at home taking care of my kids/setting up my business in our new town and I'm GOING CRAZY some days!!:gah:

I'm not the biggest fan of getting up early for work but at stressful times it can really clear your head.

This is a good place to vent, say hi to your granny when you see her.

[Tommy1010]

Life is not about what one can do, it is about how one handles things.


Thats some Good stuff GA..and its all real. I appreciate your attention and time. Thankx

When I hear suttin..you guys wil hear 1st.:grin2:

[Tommy1010]

I mentioned that because I'm staying at home taking care of my kids/setting up my business in our new town and I'm GOING CRAZY some days!!:gah:

I'm not the biggest fan of getting up early for work but at stressful times it can really clear your head.

This is a good place to vent, say hi to your granny when you see her.

nobodys a fan of wakin up early...but less are a fan of being jobless wishin they can wake up early for work.

This aint only a good place to vent..its a good place to to grow.

Unless you know everything..which I havent seen or heard from one tech that said they do...yep..they all THINK they do....till they get into this site and start goin back and forth with the REAL KNUCKLEHEADS who seen most of it....lol

[hvac maniac]

My thoughts are with you tonight. Hang in there. Brighter times are ahead.

[Tiger93rsl]

I've been there bud, last time was last september. I got the call my stepbrother had just passed. I had a walk-in tore down, and was in the midst of my own personal little crisis. I thought I was literally going to have a nervous breakdown before I got finished. You need to take some time off same be with family Tommy. I'm sorry to hear about you grandma, go be with your family and do what you need to do.

[doc havoc]

Hang in there man. And as others have said, let it out. I've never seen someone too "strong" to cry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

[monkeyman#1]

Hey Tommy, just checkin in on ya. You must've made it through the night safely. Hope that you have had time to collect your thoughts. Hang in there bro.

[76olds]

Tommy,

Hope all is going well. Hang in there.

[JimmyM]

Hey Tommy,
I just thought I would check in and see how your're doing today.

[qwerty hvac]

Hey Tommy,
I know exactly how you are feeling, I lost my father August 17th. I think of him everyday and i know he is always looking over my shoulder making sure I am doing things right. Hang in there it will get better.

[ga-hvac-tech]

Hey Tommy,

Kinda late Friday, long day...

Just thought I would check in on you and see how you are doing.

I will be at a Bible teaching conference with my Pastor and a couple of Christian men... we will pray for you, your grandma, and your family Saturday.

Hang on Bro, I believe you have inside you what it takes to walk through this.

GA

[Control Man]

It is very hard on a person and it takes time , I know from experience 8 deaths in 1 year , 5 on dates hard to EVER forget

Christmas
New Years
Good Friday
Easter Sunday
Thanksgiving Monday

Ranging from my 75 year old Mother to a 7 year old Grand child.

[beenthere]

Just spoke wit sister..and basically shes just waiting for the beep. I told her her grab a chair. If grandmas like me...she aint going nowhere easy. Her body may say no outta strength..but her mind, thoughts and feelings are my concern.

What if shes in pain and cant say it???

8 years ago. i was replacing tankless coils in a boiler for an apartment building when I got the call that my mother had died. I couldn't leave that job site when they called me cause the helper with me couldn't finish the job by himself.

The greatest pain, is that the night before I was going to go in and see my mother, but got tied up working and never made it in.

Take the time, you won't regret it later.

[Tommy1010]

Just wanna sincerely thank all you guys for your support.

Its been a rough weekend to say the least.

Right now she's in hospice. It can be any second.

You guys were right. After I posted this, I left work at 6am and went straight to see her. After i left I felt a lil better. But getting all the happy bday calls all day and having the tail end of the conversation saying Im sorry about your grandmother..kinda brought out the tears all over again.

Im just wondering which I would prefer. Todays my late fathers bday, so I kinda hope she doesnt today. But on the other hand, it may be what she prefers. Hardest part is not knowing if she's in any pain, cause she cant speak or anything for that matter.

A BIGTIME THANKS AGAIN TO ALL MY HVACTALK PARTNERS.
Good to know our only things in common isnt just our trade.:angel:

[John Culpepper]

You're in our thoughts and prayers bother.

Culpepper

[midhvac]

Good to hear from you. Hang in there.