The Fable of the Fisherman and the Talking Fish

[mylanta]

A story for you, by me. In chapters, so I can't guarantee when it will be finished. Please enjoy.

ps - from time to time, while I am finishing the story, I might edit previously posted chapters. I hope you'll understand.

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UPDATE - Friday May 24th. This fable still isn't finished. Thank you for your patience. And ps - this isn't a long joke that I am trying to write. It is just a (hopefully) amusing story. If you enjoyed it, I am happy. If you didn't, I am sorry.

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[Edited by mylanta on 05-24-2002 at 09:37 AM]

[mylanta]

One day a poor man was out in the middle of a lake in his leaky rowboat, fishing for a meal to feed his hungry family. If lucky, the poor man might catch a small crappie or two, which would be barely enough to keep his family from starving to death. But today he was lucky, for he hooked a gigantic fish. The struggle to land the fish was fierce and long, but the hook was set tight in fish's mouth. Finally after a long time, the fish tired, and the fisherman was able to land the fish. It took all his remaining strength to haul it into the boat. The combined weight of the skinny fisherman and the huge fish was almost enough to sink the small boat. But the fish! Oh, what a big fat crappie! It would be enough to feed his family for a month!

[mylanta]

But just as the fisherman was about to cut off the fish's head, the fish gulped a big breath of air and spoke. "Wait!" croaked the fish. The fisherman was amazed and scared at the same time. Everyone knew that fish did not speak. But as the seconds ticked by, he decided that his old ears must have been playing tricks. Or it had been the wind rushing over the lake. So he shook his head to clear such silly thoughts of a talking fish, and again he lifted his knife. But again the fish spoke, pleading "Don't kill me!". It was clear that this time it was not his imagination - the fish had spoken!

[mylanta]

Yes, the poor fisherman was very scared now. And he thought of throwing the fish back into the lake to be rid of this bedeviled fish. But he also thought of his very hungry family at home, waiting for him to bring back this fat fish for many, many meals. So for the time being the poor fisherman was too scared to keep the fish, and too hungry to throw him back. Finally he regained a little of his wits and timidly asked "Fish, did you speak?", hoping that he wouldn't be answered. But his hopes didn't come true. The fish, having regained his strength back, answered very clearly "Yes I can talk. And I demand you to put me back in the lake. Now!"

[mylanta]

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[Edited by mylanta on 05-13-2002 at 03:48 PM]

[mylanta]

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[Edited by mylanta on 05-13-2002 at 03:30 PM]

[mylanta]

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[Edited by mylanta on 05-13-2002 at 03:30 PM]

[Guy]

sounds...fishy.

[mylanta]

"Why should I?" demanded the poor fisherman who was not used to being talked to by his meals in such an impolite manner. "I am not just a talking fish, but a very important fish" was his answer. "How can you be important? You're a fish." asked the fisherman. "Yes, I am a fish" said the fish, "but I will tell you why I am so important and then you will put me back in the water." The fish continued, "I am not just any ordinary fish. I am the biggest and most-imporant fish that you will ever see. I have been here in this lake for the last 22 years watching out for everyone's best interests." The fisherman protested mildly, "Well I can see that you may very well be the 'King of the Crappies', but still why should I let you go?" And the fish in a proud manner puffed out his gills and loudly proclaimed "Because I am your congressman!"

[Edited by mylanta on 05-15-2002 at 04:17 PM]

[mylanta]

Well this was a surprise indeed, for it is not everyday that a poor fisherman hooks his congressman. And yes it is true he wasn't sure what his congressman looked like. So maybe what the fish said was true?! The poor fisherman blurted out "Congressman Crappie, you've got to help us! My family is so poor that we are starving!." Before he could go on, the fish interrupted by saying "Whoa there my good man. Calm yourself down. Of course, I will help you but only after you let me go." The poor fisherman thought for a minute and then asked "What proof do you have that you can help us out if I let you go?"

[Edited by mylanta on 05-15-2002 at 04:18 PM]

[mylanta]

"I am shocked and chagrined to think that you don't trust me - congressman crappie! But, none the less, I will explain how I have helped the good folks of this lake. And you will understand what good I can do for you". Flopping slightly to catch a fly flying past, he went on, "Do you remember Ol' Man Cracker who used to live in that shack by Alabama creek". The poor fisherman nodded his head to show that indeed he did know him, and he said "It was horrible how the spring rains flooded the lake, which caused his shack to topple into the lake and float away. Did you help him get a new place to live?" "Don't be silly" said the fish "It was I that got the officials to release more water that spring so that the cat food plant over in the valley would have enough electricity!" "Electricity?" asked the puzzled fisherman "no one here can afford that." "My good man", tut-tutted the fish "one good deed at a time".

[Edited by mylanta on 05-15-2002 at 04:18 PM]

[mylanta]

The fish continued "And did you know ol' man James that lived on the edge of the swamp?". And again the poor fisherman nodded, "Why yes I know him. He used to feed himself by catching the red she-crabs that lived in his swamp. He went crazy soon after it mysteriously dried up. Did you see to it that he got the mental help he needed?" And the fish said "Don't be silly. It was I that got the officials to drain the swamp, so that it could be farmed!" "Farmed?" asked the puzzled fisherman "Ol' man James doesn't know how to farm." "Pish-posh" the fish said condescendingly. "You can't make everyone happy all the time."

[Edited by mylanta on 05-15-2002 at 04:24 PM]

[mylanta]

The fisherman thought he was beginning to understand now, so he asked the fish "How about ol' Eddy 'snake-eyes' Craps; did you help him with his invention of a solar-powered riding-lawnmower?" "I remember ol' 'snake-eyes' said the fish. "Eddy used to interbreed with ferrets as I recall. No, I didn't get involved with his silly invention, but I did pass a bill that lowered business capital gain taxes!" congressman crappie proudly puffed. "Capital gain taxes!" cried the poor fisherman. "How is ol' Snake-eyes going to benefit from that, if he can't sell his invention to no one?" "Details, shmetails" dismissed the fish. "Don't look a gift fish's tax bill in the mouth, as I always say."

[Edited by mylanta on 05-15-2002 at 04:20 PM]

[mylanta]

"Well" asked the poor fisherman "how 'bout ol' man Byrdsex? He's been so constipated and full of it for years, that he has had a big sign painted on his truck saying that 'Being number two is my number one business'. Did you help him get the medical help he needs?". "Why yes I know him!" proudly exclaimed congressman crappie. "Ol' man Byrdsex, as I recollect, works out of his outhouse as a professional corporate apologizer, standing up all day long because of the cramped conditions." "Yes, that's him." said the fisherman. "How did you get him the medical help he needs?" "Well it was I that authorized the expenditure of funds to put in a sewer system to his house" the congressman proudly explained. "Sewer system!" exclaimed the poor fisherman, "How do expect him to use that in his condition". "Relax yourself my good man" said the fish "I can only clear up one problem at a time"

[mylanta]

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[Edited by mylanta on 05-20-2002 at 04:22 PM]

[mylanta]

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[Edited by mylanta on 05-22-2002 at 09:51 PM]

[mylanta]

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[Edited by mylanta on 05-22-2002 at 09:52 PM]

[Air Plus]

you are not allowed to post any more jokes.

[mylanta]

"So now, my good man," congressman crappie continued "you should realize how I can do you great good. It is time to let me go back into the lack. And in return for that small service, I will grant you a 'wish' as it were." "Wait a minute please, and let me think" asked the poor fisherman. He could be seen to be visibly weighing all that congressman crappie had told him. Feed his family, or get a 'wish' granted by the congressman. Finally he made up his mind. "Congressman crappie, my family is starving to death, so we need your help. If you will stop flip-flopping around in my boat, I will tell you what my wish is, and then you will be on your way." "Now you are talking son" said the congressman excitedly. "Let's get on with it!" "Let me row the boat back into the deeper part of the lake first" said the poor fisherman. He then picked up an oar and forcefully applied it upside of the fish's head. This quite killed the fish.

[Edited by mylanta on 05-22-2002 at 09:54 PM]

[mylanta]

The fisherman rowed back to his home and with help from several of his neighbors, hauled the big fish home to his family. They could not have greeted a conquering hero any louder! His wife and children cried with delight at the sight of so much food after so long a time without enough. The family quickly fell to the task of making the most of the ginormous fish. The vast majority of the big fat crappie was salted away to use for many many future meals, but there was plenty enough to feed the hungry family and all the many neighbors and villagers that had heard of the monster fish and had come to gauk. Enormous fish fillet steaks were seared on an open fire outdoors. There was more than enough for everyone and they all ate until they thought they would burst. There were was happiness in that house, and in that village as had not been known for a long long time.

[Edited by mylanta on 05-22-2002 at 09:53 PM]

[mylanta]

Eventually the neighbors and villagers left, their children had gone to bed, and the dishes had been washed and put away. That left only the fisherman and his wife still awake in the tiny house. They were very tired, very full, and very happy. But they sat by the fire and talked. Of course, the wife asked again about how he had caught the fish, and he was happy to recount, for the umpteenth time, his story in great detail. This time though, the wife was able to ask the questions that she had been meaning to ask.

[infwsdm]

Mylanta?

Are you feeling ok?

[mylanta]

Originally posted by infwsdm
Mylanta?

Are you feeling ok?

Fine, thanks. Why do you ask?

[rax]

I think the jokes on us for reading this far into his story.

[mylanta]

UPDATE - Friday May 24th. This fable still isn't finished. Thank you for your patience. And ps - this isn't a long joke that I am trying to write. It is just a long and (hopefully) amusing story. If you enjoy it, I am happy. If you don't, I am sorry.

On second thoughts, I should have written this fable off line and only posted it when I was finished. I guess it is pretty hard for you all to watch a work in progress. Sorry.

But isn't there anyone out there that has enjoyed any of this so far, even if it isn't finished?

[ServiceTechnologies]

Mylanta,
I've enjoyed it so far. The thought of my congressman getting hit upside the head is good enough for me!