opsmgr
03-12-2007, 08:21 AM
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
> ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
>
> 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
> you, but don't start anything."
>
> 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
>
> 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
>
> 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and
> says "A beer please, and one for the road."
>
> 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
> this taste funny to you?"
>
> 7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home."
> "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not
> Unusual."
>
>
> 8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says
> to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
> you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
>
> 9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
> nothing to look at either.
>
> 10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
>
> 11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I
> couldn't find any.
>
> 12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He
> shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I
> know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
>
> 13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
>
> 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
>
> 15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
> and says, "Dam!"
>
> 16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire
> in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
> have your kayak and heat it too.
>
> 17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were
> standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After
> about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to
> disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said,
> "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
>
> 18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them
> goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a
> family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture
> of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
> her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
> responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
>
> 19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the
>time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also
>ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
>suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh,
>man, this is so bad, it's good) .... A super-calloused fragile mystic
>hexed by halitosis.
>
> 20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns
> to her friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make
> them laugh.
> No pun in ten did.
> ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
>
> 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
> you, but don't start anything."
>
> 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
>
> 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
>
> 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and
> says "A beer please, and one for the road."
>
> 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
> this taste funny to you?"
>
> 7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home."
> "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not
> Unusual."
>
>
> 8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says
> to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
> you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
>
> 9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
> nothing to look at either.
>
> 10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
>
> 11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I
> couldn't find any.
>
> 12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He
> shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I
> know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
>
> 13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
>
> 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
>
> 15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
> and says, "Dam!"
>
> 16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire
> in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
> have your kayak and heat it too.
>
> 17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were
> standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After
> about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to
> disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said,
> "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
>
> 18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them
> goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a
> family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture
> of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
> her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
> responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
>
> 19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the
>time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also
>ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
>suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh,
>man, this is so bad, it's good) .... A super-calloused fragile mystic
>hexed by halitosis.
>
> 20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns
> to her friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make
> them laugh.
> No pun in ten did.